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The Wipe: Standing Or Sitting? (1 Viewer)

Well, which one is it?

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Limp Ditka

Limp Ditka

Footballguy
If I remember correctly, The ####ed Company bbs had recently been shut down by pud, and I was a wayward, lost internet soul. Then I stumbled upon this place. Eventually, I started reading a thread here on this very subject. It is the earliest recollection I have of thinking that the FFA could have what I was looking for in a message board now that FC was gone.

It still baffles me how anyone could possibly stand to wipe their ###, but sure enough, there were some of you claiming that there was no other way to go about it.  I admit I even tried it once..... or three times. Each time it was at home, with the shower ready to go. After each attempt, the shower was used

Today, adequateman brings up this subject and since I can't find that original thread, we start anew 

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/do-some-of-you-people-really-stand-up-when-you-wipe-you-1768473590#_ga=1.132096719.1188694187.1459535076

 
The people who stand to wipe are the same people who pull their pants all the way down at the urinal. 

 
Outside your home more and more toilets have the automatic flush.  If you stand to wipe you are setting off the flush.

I stood when I was younger but for the last 25 years I sit when I wipe.  Flushable wipes FTW.

 
+1 on the hover.  how do you wipe sitting down?  Does your hand hit the water or mountain of sludge that floats on top?

 
Proud stander here. I employ the method described there- one hand pulls a cheek aside for unfettered access while the other does the dirty work. Also a big time wet wipe advocate, although I suppose that is unrelated.

Can someone walk me through the mechanics of the sitting wipe? Do you remain in contact with the porcelain and reach up between your thighs, or do you squat so you can access from the side/back?  I don't get it :bag: And I don't want to search youtube to find out.

 
Full Disclosure: Even while sitting to wipe, if I can't get my morning dump dislodged before my shower, there's a good chance that my day's ruined.

 
TobiasFunke said:
Proud stander here. I employ the method described there- one hand pulls a cheek aside for unfettered access while the other does the dirty work. Also a big time wet wipe advocate, although I suppose that is unrelated.

Can someone walk me through the mechanics of the sitting wipe? Do you remain in contact with the porcelain and reach up between your thighs, or do you squat so you can access from the side/back?  I don't get it :bag: And I don't want to search youtube to find out.
Click to expand...
WTF

 
TobiasFunke said:
Proud stander here. I employ the method described there- one hand pulls a cheek aside for unfettered access while the other does the dirty work. Also a big time wet wipe advocate, although I suppose that is unrelated.

Can someone walk me through the mechanics of the sitting wipe? Do you remain in contact with the porcelain and reach up between your thighs, or do you squat so you can access from the side/back?  I don't get it :bag: And I don't want to search youtube to find out.
Click to expand...
Go in front side, maneuvering around the sac, but keeping the hand high to avoid the water. Short wipes to prevent as much spreading as possible.

 
Shift a little weight to left side. Reach behind with right hand. Wipe upwards (the people who push poo towards the jewels baffle me as much as the standers). Finish off with a toddler wipe when at home.

FYI, For public poos, sitting or standing, always put a long enough toilet paper strand over the auto flush sensor so it doesn't set off spraying unwanted gross water on your ###.

 
Peak said:
+1 on the hover.  how do you wipe sitting down?  Does your hand hit the water or mountain of sludge that floats on top?
Click to expand...
+2 on the hover.

Unfortunatley I may have to have a heart to heart about this with my young sons.  I think they are much more likely standing....nothing like seeing a few small poopy bits of toilet paper on the floor afterwards from too high standing and not hovering correctly.  :X

 
I'm guessing that all the standing wipers are also the ones who will happily #### in front of their spouses and kids.  ####### weirdos.

 
Lean on the left cheek...reach around to the right and go in from behind with upward swipe away from the sack.

 
Walking Boot said:
Sit.

But I have no idea how anyone reaches behind themselves to wipe. I go in from the front. Great access to all necessary areas.

I am totally sure I read somewhere that the preferred method for males is to go in from the front and wipe from back to front, which is usually in the direction of hair growth anyway, for maximum effectiveness. Women should wipe in the other direction, front to back, to avoid risk of contamination.

But now it seems most dudes go the wrong way, front to back, like some kind of monsters.
Click to expand...
:hifive:  <------washes hands first.

 
I'm reading this while on the throne. About to attempt a wipe while seated for the first time.  

Brb.

 
Walking Boot said:
Not if you sit all the way back on the seat.

Do you people that reach behind to wipe sit hanging halfway off the front of the seat? I sit on the toilet like I do an office chair.
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:shrug:

I lean forward just enough to keep the cheeks apart and so my hand doesn't have to go into the bowl when going in from the side/back.

 
That was.....interesting.  I would have never thought of reaching underneath and into the bowl area to wipe like that.  While that was mostly a "clean" poop, I'd be interested to try that out with a future wipe that I anticipate to be messier. 

I must admit, however, that this thread might actually have its first convert. 

 
Stand. Well, hover. And front-to-back.

I tried doing the sit-wipe once. I have clue how you guys pull it off. I've never even attempted the back-to-front.

 
gianmarco said:
That was.....interesting.  I would have never thought of reaching underneath and into the bowl area to wipe like that.  While that was mostly a "clean" poop, I'd be interested to try that out with a future wipe that I anticipate to be messier. 

I must admit, however, that this thread might actually have its first convert. 
Click to expand...
You go in from the front like a inbred or from the back the way God intended it?

 
AAABatteries said:
You go in from the front like a inbred or from the back the way God intended it?
Click to expand...
Keep in mind this was a first run and I was trying out an attempt based on most responses here.

Slightly leaned forward, reached from the front, to the side of the jewels, and wiped back to front (which felt very odd).  I might try the lean and regular front to back wipe (like always done while standing/hovering) but I wanted to be adventurous on my first go and try something completely new.

 
pantagrapher said:
As I said in the old thread: why close the sandwich before scraping out the peanut butter?

Sitting.
Click to expand...
The sandwich need not close. A 3/4 hover provides plenty of clearance. Even more, if you go with Tobias' 2-hand method. Hell, the stand even offers the opportunity to throw a foot up onto the sink if things really get ugly, which I've done on occasion. 

 
Never realized that people sit when wiping.  I don't even know how it would be possible to get a good clean wipe while sitting on the toilet.

 
ILUVBEER99 said:
Never realized that people sit when wiping.  I don't even know how it would be possible to get a good clean wipe while sitting on the toilet.
Click to expand...
Meanwhile, by standing, you're risking having your asscheeks clinch and making the aftermath aftermathier. And no one likes aftermathier.

 
ILUVBEER99 said:
Never realized that people sit when wiping.  I don't even know how it would be possible to get a good clean wipe while sitting on the toilet.
Click to expand...
It must look very funny to stand up and wipe.   Now I understand how crap gets everywhere but inside the toilet where it belongs.

 
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