fatness
Footballguy
My kids were about 5 and 3 when I decided they were old enough that I could take them out to eat by myself, to give my wife a break.
Burger King. Friday dinner time. Packed. We're waiting in line to order and they're being good as gold. I order and ask the 5-year-old if he wants to get us a table and put some napkins on it. He does this just fine. 3-year-old is still good as gold as I get our order and we head over and sit down with 5-year-old. And I'm thinking "Done. All we have to do is eat and go, and they've been really good." We start unwrapping and chowing down and I see 5-year-old is just staring at me. Not eating his food, just staring. And the following conversation took place:
Me: Are you going to start eating your food?
5: Yes. (continues to just stare at me)
Me: Why are you staring at me?
5: Does your Whopper have onions on it?
Me: Yes, why?
5: Did you take the onions off?
Me: No, why?
5 (at a volume level heard by the entire Packed dining room): I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS. YOU KNOW ONIONS MAKE YOU FART AND YOU'RE EATING THEM AND I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS".
Dining room audience: *mass laughter*
I saw at least 3 people spit out food or drink. Laughing families pointed at me. Literally everyone in the dining room heard it, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I felt myself getting very redfaced and actually considered crawling under our table. Then I realized I'd have to come back out.
They're in their 40's now but both kids still remember this. Damn I was embarrassed. I really wanted to crawl under that table and find an entrance to Narnia.
Burger King. Friday dinner time. Packed. We're waiting in line to order and they're being good as gold. I order and ask the 5-year-old if he wants to get us a table and put some napkins on it. He does this just fine. 3-year-old is still good as gold as I get our order and we head over and sit down with 5-year-old. And I'm thinking "Done. All we have to do is eat and go, and they've been really good." We start unwrapping and chowing down and I see 5-year-old is just staring at me. Not eating his food, just staring. And the following conversation took place:
Me: Are you going to start eating your food?
5: Yes. (continues to just stare at me)
Me: Why are you staring at me?
5: Does your Whopper have onions on it?
Me: Yes, why?
5: Did you take the onions off?
Me: No, why?
5 (at a volume level heard by the entire Packed dining room): I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS. YOU KNOW ONIONS MAKE YOU FART AND YOU'RE EATING THEM AND I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS".
Dining room audience: *mass laughter*
I saw at least 3 people spit out food or drink. Laughing families pointed at me. Literally everyone in the dining room heard it, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I felt myself getting very redfaced and actually considered crawling under our table. Then I realized I'd have to come back out.
They're in their 40's now but both kids still remember this. Damn I was embarrassed. I really wanted to crawl under that table and find an entrance to Narnia.