Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

[fatness]

My kids were about 5 and 3 when I decided they were old enough that I could take them out to eat by myself, to give my wife a break.

Burger King. Friday dinner time. Packed. We're waiting in line to order and they're being good as gold. I order and ask the 5-year-old if he wants to get us a table and put some napkins on it. He does this just fine. 3-year-old is still good as gold as I get our order and we head over and sit down with 5-year-old. And I'm thinking "Done. All we have to do is eat and go, and they've been really good." We start unwrapping and chowing down and I see 5-year-old is just staring at me. Not eating his food, just staring. And the following conversation took place:

Me: Are you going to start eating your food?
5: Yes. (continues to just stare at me)
Me: Why are you staring at me?
5: Does your Whopper have onions on it?
Me: Yes, why?
5: Did you take the onions off?
Me: No, why?
5 (at a volume level heard by the entire Packed dining room): I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS. YOU KNOW ONIONS MAKE YOU FART AND YOU'RE EATING THEM AND I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS".
Dining room audience: *mass laughter*

I saw at least 3 people spit out food or drink. Laughing families pointed at me. Literally everyone in the dining room heard it, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I felt myself getting very redfaced and actually considered crawling under our table. Then I realized I'd have to come back out.

They're in their 40's now but both kids still remember this. Damn I was embarrassed. I really wanted to crawl under that table and find an entrance to Narnia.

 

[nirad3]

My 11-year old son and I were in the car together, and I don't know how the subject came up, but we started talking about what he wanted to major in at college. He told me "I want to study Business". I told him that was an excellent idea, but asked "why Business?". He told me "because I want to own a donut shop!".

I laughed and told him to not eat all the profits.

 

[B Maverick]

Driving along with my 15 year old the other day and a song comes on the radio. As most cars do, the band name and song title are displayed on the screen.

Kid looks at the screen and says "hmm Bowling for Soup. Do they sing that song that goes Nineteen, nineteen, nineteen..." and she notices me staring at her with a are you serious look. I look at the screen and back at her and she starts to die of laughter/embarrassment as the screen shows 1985 and the chorus of the song hits "Nineteen, nineteen, nineteeneightyfive"

So of course the next car ride and some Pink Floyd Comfortably Numb comes on and I ask her if they sing the song that goes "I've become....." She doesn't like me much.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

My kids were about 5 and 3 when I decided they were old enough that I could take them out to eat by myself, to give my wife a break.

Burger King. Friday dinner time. Packed. We're waiting in line to order and they're being good as gold. I order and ask the 5-year-old if he wants to get us a table and put some napkins on it. He does this just fine. 3-year-old is still good as gold as I get our order and we head over and sit down with 5-year-old. And I'm thinking "Done. All we have to do is eat and go, and they've been really good." We start unwrapping and chowing down and I see 5-year-old is just staring at me. Not eating his food, just staring. And the following conversation took place:

Me: Are you going to start eating your food?
5: Yes. (continues to just stare at me)
Me: Why are you staring at me?
5: Does your Whopper have onions on it?
Me: Yes, why?
5: Did you take the onions off?
Me: No, why?
5 (at a volume level heard by the entire Packed dining room): I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS. YOU KNOW ONIONS MAKE YOU FART AND YOU'RE EATING THEM AND I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS".
Dining room audience: *mass laughter*

I saw at least 3 people spit out food or drink. Laughing families pointed at me. Literally everyone in the dining room heard it, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I felt myself getting very redfaced and actually considered crawling under our table. Then I realized I'd have to come back out.

They're in their 40's now but both kids still remember this. Damn I was embarrassed. I really wanted to crawl under that table and find an entrance to Narnia.

Did you explain fart processing time?

 

[fatness]

My kids were about 5 and 3 when I decided they were old enough that I could take them out to eat by myself, to give my wife a break.

Burger King. Friday dinner time. Packed. We're waiting in line to order and they're being good as gold. I order and ask the 5-year-old if he wants to get us a table and put some napkins on it. He does this just fine. 3-year-old is still good as gold as I get our order and we head over and sit down with 5-year-old. And I'm thinking "Done. All we have to do is eat and go, and they've been really good." We start unwrapping and chowing down and I see 5-year-old is just staring at me. Not eating his food, just staring. And the following conversation took place:

Me: Are you going to start eating your food?
5: Yes. (continues to just stare at me)
Me: Why are you staring at me?
5: Does your Whopper have onions on it?
Me: Yes, why?
5: Did you take the onions off?
Me: No, why?
5 (at a volume level heard by the entire Packed dining room): I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS. YOU KNOW ONIONS MAKE YOU FART AND YOU'RE EATING THEM AND I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS".
Dining room audience: *mass laughter*

I saw at least 3 people spit out food or drink. Laughing families pointed at me. Literally everyone in the dining room heard it, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I felt myself getting very redfaced and actually considered crawling under our table. Then I realized I'd have to come back out.

They're in their 40's now but both kids still remember this. Damn I was embarrassed. I really wanted to crawl under that table and find an entrance to Narnia.

Did you explain fart processing time?

5 year old was familiar my processing time and his expectation was not off base. I didn't expect it to be ANNOUNCED TO THE WORLD, though.

 

[nirad3]

I assume this'll be appropriate here.... but yeah, yet another doozie from my boy at bedtime.

As y'all know from a couple other of my posts here, I lay with my 11-year old boy while he drifts off to sleep. He's getting to the size (and age) where I can probably only do it for another few months, but I digress.

We're laying there completely silent the other night and I'm thinking he's probably about ready to fall asleep, and heck, I may have dozed off myself... but out of nowhere he says (in a rather loud, laughing type of way):

MY BALLS HAVE HAIR ON THEM HAHAHAHHA

 

[glvsav37]

from the mouth of my very smart, but blissfully ignorant 18 year old daughter. If you saw the thread about us starting a lemonade stand, we would use the 32oz deli cups that you normally get wonton soup in—We have a bunch saved and use for food storage form time to time.

So I made a sample using one of those leftover containers and my daughter tried it. When I told her the plan, she looked at the drink (in the repurposed Chinese food container) then looked back at me and said "Well... we're going to have start ordering a lot more Chinese food!"

 

[El Floppo]

16yo floppinho went on a school trip for a week with a small group of 15 or so students and a couple teacher chaperones. He was friends with most of the people, including the girl part of the only couple on the trip.

I asked how everybody got along and if the couple were a bit much for people. He shrugged and rolled his eyes... The couple- it was oral sex ALL THE TIME.

What!?- in public?!!

Yeah- all the time- oral sex all over the place!

Wife and I look at each other knowing already where this was going... The wife- by oral sex, do you mean they were kissing?

Yeah- ALL THE TIME!

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

16yo floppinho went on a school trip for a week with a small group of 15 or so students and a couple teacher chaperones. He was friends with most of the people, including the girl part of the only couple on the trip.

I asked how everybody got along and if the couple were a bit much for people. He shrugged and rolled his eyes... The couple- it was oral sex ALL THE TIME.

What!?- in public?!!

Yeah- all the time- oral sex all over the place!

Wife and I look at each other knowing already where this was going... The wife- by oral sex, do you mean they were kissing?

Yeah- ALL THE TIME!

Can I watch while you explain this? Or is that just weird?