It's time. I've ####ed around long enough.
I've been obese since my early 20's. Ate like an active athlete in high school and most of college, but I actually was a well-conditioned athlete. I finished my football days at 255 pounds in great shape. Once I stopped playing sports, I didn't change the way I ate. Ballooned up to ~325 within a few years. I was active at work(surveyor), so I suppose it could've actually been worse. I hung in the low to mid 300's most of my 20's and 30's. When I was about 37, a job change moved me to a much lower activity level. Gradually pushed up to 350-360.
Now, I've never been one to be very public with my mental health. Not that I felt like I've ever had many serious issues, I just don't share that kind of stuff. With anybody. When I was 39, my Dad got real sick in December of that year. From December to the following April, when he passed, between a month here in Dayton, then January to April at the Cleveland Clinic, I spent almost every night with him. Was the worst 5 months of my entire life. I shared some absolutely beautiful moments with him, but the mental and physical toll it took on me didn't really sink in until a few months after he passed. I knew my weight had gotten worse. One morning, I decided to jump on the scale. 411 pounds. I was over 400 ####ing pounds. The amount of guilt and shame that flooded my brain was completely overwhelming. I'll freely admit the next 4-5 weeks I legitimately sank into the worst depression of my life. Combining my health with my Dad passing, it was just too much. I just collapsed. I finally started taking to my wife about things I had never shared with her before. Just seeing the pain in her eyes and seeing the way my kids reacted to my mental state hit a nerve, and I started to work towards improving my health. Tried every type of diet you could think of. Started walking in the mornings before work. I managed to drop down to 360. Then, in the spring of 2019, I was mowing my yard and stepped in a hole. Twisted my left knee pretty bad, but ice, rest seemed to do the trick. But the pain eventually started to come back until it wasn't bearable. Eventually had an MRI and found a 4cm meniscus tear. I had surgery to repair the meniscus in October, 2019.
This is where my story enters a whole new phase. So, when I come out of surgery, I feel like hot garbage. Can't stay conscious. My body literally felt like I was in a car wreck. I take a few hours to recover and the hospital sends me home. All night and the next morning, the achiness in my muscles just got worse. My entire body was in a massive cramp. My muscles were rock hard. I called my Brother-in-law who is a family doc. He calls my doctor and they send me for blood work. Creatine Kinase is a protein that is released in your blood when muscle is being destroyed. Normal levels are around 200 U/L and critical is 5000 U/L. My levels came back at 72,000 U/L!! So, b-i-l calls and sends me to the emergency room ASAP. I spend 5 days in the hospital on fluids to dilute my blood so the CK doesn't destroy my kidneys. So, I'm diagnosed with Malignant Hypothermia. It's a reaction to Succinylcholine, the muscle relaxant component of anesthesia.
So, this reaction I had destroyed any stamina that my muscles had. Just existing. Normal day's activities, I wake up every morning feeling like I payed a football game the night before. Just beat. I've tried and tried to pick up my walking schedule again, but every time I do, inevitably I'll pull something, usually in my back or calves, and I quit after only a few times. I have begun exploring swimming at the Recreation Center here and that seems to be helping. They have a limited schedule for open swims and I have 3 kids all in extracurricular activities so this has also proven to be a challenge for me.
All through my health journey, I've always tried to focus on being around for my kids. That's all the motivation that I should need. I feel guilty as hell, because frankly, that hasn't been the case. I have taken my health for granted and honestly, a few weeks ago I experienced something that has finally woke me up. I hope.
So, I went through yet another job change, a promotion this time, to a supervisor position that requires me to spend more time in the field. On a Friday, I was walking up and down a hill a few times. When I got back in my truck, I got light-headed and I just couldn't catch my breath. Took me a minute, but it went away. I just assumed it was due to being so out of shape. The very next night, Saturday night I woke up with massive cramps in my stomach. Had to use the restroom, so I got up and went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, I started feeling nauseous. When I feel like I'm going to get sick, I start taking deep breaths. I hate puking. Hate it. So after a minute of breathing, it starts getting difficult to breathe. I stood up by my sink and put my hand on the doorknob. I thought, if I'm going to pass out, I can open the door and yell for my wife. So, this lasts about 5 minutes. It gradually gets worse, then slowly gets better. I feel fine after, then go back to bed. On Monday I call my doctor and let him know what happened and he immediately does and EKG and sends me for a stress test. Tests come back that have had an 'episode'. Not quite a heart attack, but he says there was damage done. This whole thing has scared the #### out of me. Really shook me.
All this leads up to today. I have been back on Myfitnesspal, counting calories for a couple weeks. Trying to stick to under 2400 per day. I'm drinking a gallon of water each day. I feel like I've done well, but my weight still wants to hover around the 390 area. I can't let this deter me this time. My life literally depends on it.