Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

[sn0mm1s]

My son is almost 3 now but this happened not long after he started talking.

My wife was taking him to weekly swimming classes. The gym also has a lazy river right next to the pool used for for the lessons.

Once the lesson was over my wife and son get out of the pool and walk by the lazy river. Apparently, an extremely obese woman was using it and she was wearing a black and white swimsuit/shirt (my wife said she wouldn't have been surprised if she was pushing 450lbs). 

My son, with his limited vocabulary, doesn't know what to make of the heaviest human being he has ever seen. So he gets excited, starts pointing at the woman in the pool and shouts, "Mama! Big cow! Mama, mama big cow! Mooo!"

 

[ChiefD]

7 year old son was sitting on the couch, playing something on his tablet. I sit down and start making small talk, just asking him how his day went. After a couple of minutes I lean over and check out what he was playing on his tablet.

Looks me dead in the eye and says:

"Daddy, I'm wearing my personal bubble. Go away."

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

7 year old son was sitting on the couch, playing something on his tablet. I sit down and start making small talk, just asking him how his day went. After a couple of minutes I lean over and check out what he was playing on his tablet.

Looks me dead in the eye and says:

"Daddy, I'm wearing my personal bubble. Go away."

I love the idea of a personal bubble.  Your kid is a genius.

 

[nirad3]

Not really funny but both of my kids (5 and 3) call the gym the "gymp".... like.... JIMP.   

My wife and I just call it that now. 

 

[shadyridr]

My six year old said he pulls his underwear down in bed and thinks of fat boobs.

Too young for this ####

 

[shadyridr]

Btw my son became completely corrupted when he started first grade. He never said any curse words and now he knows them ALL. He knows not to say them though.

 

[Cowboysfan8]

My six year old said he pulls his underwear down in bed and thinks of fat boobs.

Too young for this ####

 

[MikeIke]

My six year old said he pulls his underwear down in bed and thinks of fat boobs.

Too young for this ####

Tell him he's not the only one. 

 

[bud29]

My six year old said he pulls his underwear down in bed and thinks of fat boobs.

Too young for this ####

 

 

[Zegras11]

My six year old said he pulls his underwear down in bed and thinks of fat boobs.

Too young for this ####

I was doing that when I was four.

 

[Prince Myshkin]

Daughter has been in bed for about 15 min when she gets up and comes walking into the living room. She says "I forgot something" and then walks over to the couch where I am sitting. My heart melts and I give her a big hug and kiss because her mother had tucked her into bed instead of me.

She then gets a guilty look on here face, says "that's not what I forgot" and grabs the blanket she always sleeps with from the couch and heads back to her bed just as my wife and I start dying laughing.  

 

[(HULK)]

Btw my son became completely corrupted when he started first grade. He never said any curse words and now he knows them ALL. He knows not to say them though.

I haven't taught any to my kids, but when they learn them, I just tell them to make sure they only use them in the right company.  I personally don't care if they swear at home.

My wife though, not so much.  So, they won't use them in front of her, but if she goes to the store or something, my living room turns into a locker room.

 

[B Maverick]

my 6 year old-

I love my haircut.  It makes me feel older.  Like 10 years old.

 

[Ned]

Listening to White Stripes together.

Me:  You really love music, don't you?

5yo:  [head nod]

Me:  What do you like about it?

5yo:  It makes me think of stuff.

Me:  Like what?

5yo:  Unicorns, Dude.

 

[El Floppo]

little ham rocks

 

[Peak]

Driving with my 7yo the other day and topic of sports comes up.  He told me he doesn't want to play soccer anymore, but maybe something else.  I told him next year he could try basketball or volleyball ( need to be in 3rd grade to participate at our church).  I told him he may get a growth spurt this year with the way he's been eating and that would help with either of those sports.  Calm as day I hear from the back seat, "Stop trying to boost my self-esteem dad.  I know what I'm good at and what I'm not."

While I was laughing he quickly followed up with, "I think I'd be good at volleyball.  I'll play that."

 

[Kanil]

I want to preface this story with the fact that we've since learned that Claire's dad is NOT dead.  This may get lost in translation but the way my kid said it, I lost it.

So we have my MIL and her boyfriend over for brunch the other day and this conversation happened:

Kaniljr(4yo) very matter of factly with no emotion at all: Ima (it's what my kid calls his grandma, pronounced eema), did you know my friend Clair from school's dad is dead?

Ima:   That's terrible!

Kaniljr: Yeah, he got shot.

Ima (still kind of shocked and wondering what led him to get shot, soldier, cop, crime, etc..): Oh my god, how?

Kaniljr: With a gun.

 

[shadyridr]

Asking my six year old, boys pee out of a penis, what do girls pee out of? His response...

A Japanese Pempem

Wtmf?

 

[Keerock]

Asking my six year old, boys pee out of a penis, what do girls pee out of? His response...

A Japanese Pempem

Wtmf?

He's right!

 

[Kanil]

Asking my six year old, boys pee out of a penis, what do girls pee out of? His response...

A Japanese Pempem

Wtmf?

Urban dictionary it.  Your kid's already passing you by!

 

[ChiefD]

5 year old daughter walks in this morning after getting ready for school, singing this song:

I farted, it tickled,

Smelled just like a pickle.

wtf? 

 

[odin33]

While I was at work: My (at the time) 4 yo daughter one day cut one loose, and proceeded to stick her posterior out and do a little dance. 

Wife asks 4 yo: What are you doing?!?

4 yo: I'm shooo-ing it up!

Wife: You're what?!?!?!

4 yo: Shooing it up! (and proceeds to demonstate the dance).

No idea where it came from and why a dance is now attached. It's now become a thing.

I may live in a house full of ladies, but my girls sure do have a lot of boy tendencies.

 

[Johnny Rock]

Today the three youngest kids were getting ready for school and I noted that 13-yo girl and 7-yo boy had both worn blue, and I had my blue bathrobe on. I told them that blue is a great color for our family because it makes our eyes pop. 

Boy instantly sings in a Johnny Cash voice, "...at the home of the blues."

 

[B Maverick]

so my 6 year old was sick yesterday (vomiting the other night, fever yesterday afternoon.  TMI but part of the story).  Shes getting into bed after finally getting some medicine in her and her fever is breaking...

Wife " Would you like the trash can next to your bed in case you feel sick tonight?"

6 year old "No thanks, I dont think I am going to get high tonight"

Us trying not to laugh "What?!!?"

6 year old "my fever wont get higher, ill be ok tonight"

US "OOOHHHHH! ok, good" 

 

[Jaysus]

3 year old son: Guess what?

Me: What:

3 year old son: ChickenButt! (followed immediately by) Guess what?

Me: What?

3 year old son: Chicken-poopy-butt! (followed immediately by)  

Me:

A good poop joke gets me every time

 

[Kanil]

3 year old son: Guess what?

Me: What:

3 year old son: ChickenButt! (followed immediately by) Guess what?

Me: What?

3 year old son: Chicken-poopy-butt! (followed immediately by)  

Me:

A good poop joke gets me every time

I'm at the point with my 4yo now where we have this conversation:

KanilJr: Guess What?

Me: Chicken Butt

KanilJr: NO DAD I'M NOT TELLING THAT JOKE ANYMORE!

 

[B Maverick]

I'm at the point with my 4yo now where we have this conversation:

KanilJr: Guess What?

Me: Chicken Butt

KanilJr: NO DAD I'M NOT TELLING THAT JOKE ANYMORE!

what a difference a year makes.....

 

[Buzzbait]

My 5yo son is taking swimming lessons and after a recent class we were in the mens locker room. A guy all tatted up walks by and my son says (very loudly) "Why does that guy have pictures all over his body?" 

 

[(HULK)]

So, on Monday I get home from work and my five year old runs up to me smiling.  I drop to my knee expecting a hug, but instead, she stops short and says, "Someone special wants to say 'hi' to you!"  I say, "Who?" and she pivots and sticks her butt out at me and pushes out like a 5 second long fart while she simultaneously yells, "Let the base drop!" and runs away giggling.

My house is an insane asylum.

 

[Kanil]

So, on Monday I get home from work and my five year old runs up to me smiling.  I drop to my knee expecting a hug, but instead, she stops short and says, "Someone special wants to say 'hi' to you!"  I say, "Who?" and she pivots and sticks her butt out at me and pushes out like a 5 second long fart while she simultaneously yells, "Let the base drop!" and runs away giggling.

My house is an insane asylum.

aaahahahaha

 

[ChiefD]

So, on Monday I get home from work and my five year old runs up to me smiling.  I drop to my knee expecting a hug, but instead, she stops short and says, "Someone special wants to say 'hi' to you!"  I say, "Who?" and she pivots and sticks her butt out at me and pushes out like a 5 second long fart while she simultaneously yells, "Let the base drop!" and runs away giggling.

My house is an insane asylum.

 

[Ned]

So, on Monday I get home from work and my five year old runs up to me smiling.  I drop to my knee expecting a hug, but instead, she stops short and says, "Someone special wants to say 'hi' to you!"  I say, "Who?" and she pivots and sticks her butt out at me and pushes out like a 5 second long fart while she simultaneously yells, "Let the base drop!" and runs away giggling.

My house is an insane asylum.

That's fn awesome.

 

[El Floppo]

 dammit I love this kid.

 

[Spin]

My 3 year old is on this "by myself kick".  We're eating dinner at a restaurant, and he decides he's got to pee, by himself.  I get up to go with him and he turns around and points me back to the table "I can do it all by myself".  I think, whatever, there's only 2 or 3 tables between us and the bathroom, which is down a hallway with no other exits, only the two bathrooms, and he can't make a break for the kitchen... ok, let's let him have his independent moment.

So I'm watching the hallway waiting for him to come back out of the bathroom, I see the door open and out emerges my son with his pants pulled down halfway and he is holding his "little guy" in one of his hands walking back towards us.

I start jumping out of my seat once I realize it, telling him to put it away, of course this only draws attention and now all the tables are looking at him.

He calmly replies "But look daddy, I can make my little guy hard" and starts smacking it up and down with hand.

The guys at the table closest too him got a great kick out of it.

 

[Spin]

My 3 year old 10 minutes ago... 

Me "Go to sleep"

Him "but I already sleeped, so I'm not tired"

Me "yes, you slePT (trying to put the emphasis to correct him) yesterday, but now you need to sleep again, so you won't be tired and can play all day tomorrow with your friends"

Him "no daddy, I SLEEPED last night" 

Me "No, it's I slePT, not I sleeped"

Him "fine, you go slePT, I'm going to play" and marches out of bed downstairs. I just sat there shaking my head. Arguing with a 3 year old about what the proper past tense of a verb is what my life has come down to. 

 

[(HULK)]

My 3 year old 10 minutes ago... 

Me "Go to sleep"

Him "but I already sleeped, so I'm not tired"

Me "yes, you slePT (trying to put the emphasis to correct him) yesterday, but now you need to sleep again, so you won't be tired and can play all day tomorrow with your friends"

Him "no daddy, I SLEEPED last night" 

Me "No, it's I slePT, not I sleeped"

Him "fine, you go slePT, I'm going to play" and marches out of bed downstairs. I just sat there shaking my head. Arguing with a 3 year old about what the proper past tense of a verb is what my life has come down to. 

I don't bother correcting them.  Just speak properly and they'll eventually pick up on it.

 

[heckmanm]

     

ETA - meant to quote Spins pee post from the last page

 

[El Floppo]

4yo Floppinha singing "Radioactive"

... welcome to the moo age, to the moo age.

and she's still saying "whobody"... "whobody ate my cookie?!". I hope she says it forever.

 

[Kanil]

On a family ski trip with the MIL and this just happened:

Grandma: *Finishes the bedtime story she was reading to KanilJr*

KanilJr: "Grandma, I'm really going to miss you when you're dead".

 

[Bull Dozier]

On a family ski trip with the MIL and this just happened:

Grandma: *Finishes the bedtime story she was reading to KanilJr*

KanilJr: "Grandma, I'm really going to miss you when you're dead".

 

[fantasycurse42]

In the living room with my wife and my 3 year old boy was in the kitchen which is next to the living room. I didn't think he was paying attention to us and I asked my wife if she would blow me later in the evening.

He comes running in and says "mommy, blow daddy blow daddy" then he starts actually blowing on Mrs FC.

 

[Captain Cranks]

6 year old boy, upon being sent to his room, angrily, but organically exclaims, "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!!" before slamming his door shut.  

 

[MikeIke]

In the living room with my wife and my 3 year old boy was in the kitchen which is next to the living room. I didn't think he was paying attention to us and I asked my wife if she would blow me later in the evening.

He comes running in and says "mommy, blow daddy blow daddy" then he starts actually blowing on Mrs FC.

Give that kid $5. And another $5 every time he repeats it.

 

[B Maverick]

Lately my 6 yo daughter answers with "I'm fine with that"

 

[fantasycurse42]

Give that kid $5. And another $5 every time he repeats it.

She was cracking up, it actually worked. I'd happily offer him $5 every time it works.

 

[El Floppo]

4yo floppinha has been in a weird, wants somebody else to wipe her after potty regression. always prefaced by "it's too buttery" or "it's too spicy"

 

[(HULK)]

4yo floppinha has been in a weird, wants somebody else to wipe her after potty regression. always prefaced by "it's too buttery" or "it's too spicy"

My second went through this.  I'd ask her if she wanted to wear diapers again or be a big girl.  Big girl always won out.

 

[sublimeone]

My 18-month son and I have been doing this thing where I'll 'roar' at him and he roars back. Occasionally he still wants to nurse - so he's nursing and I sit down next to my wife and give him a little 'roar' - he pulls off, give me a 'roar' back and goes right back on without skipping a beat.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Not funny, but I was impressed by his maturity.  My wife was telling my 14 year old son about how there is a feature on facebook, where if you are near an emergency (such as in the same city as a terrorist attack) you can "check in" to let people know you are safe.  "It's too bad they even need to come up with something like that."  Too true...

 

[Bull Dozier]

I'm impressed by this, but laughing because I'm expecting to hear the Debbie Downer, "Waaaa waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"  Can you start a new thread, "The opposite of the funny things your kids said thread" or just simply, "Tragic things your kids said?"  

That sure would be a Debbie Downer thread.  I'm sure it would bring in tons of traffic.