STEADYMOBBIN 22
Footballguy
All I can say is I'm sorry. ITs beyond brutal but like all things it will get better with time.
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We put down our dog; Struggling to process it (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Ned
- Start date
Bruce Dickinson
Footballguy
After Lizzy passed... our other dog, Rory, didn't eat for three days. Rory (still a puppy, just six months old when Lizzy passed) searched around the house and yard for Lizzy. When we got Lizzy's remains back from the pet hospital and Rory got to sniff Lizzy's collar and leash... that seemed to be when she figured out Lizzy wasn't coming back, and Rory started eating again.
Sabertooth
Footballguy
Not gonna lie, I choked up seeing your two dogs in that pic.I've gone back and forth about writing a thread on this since we made the decision on Sunday night, but ultimately want to write it all out to help sort these feelings out. It's going to be long and pretty depressing; I don't blame folks for skipping it (I probably would). For those that do read/respond, I appreciate it.
We've had 2 dogs since 2003; 1 yellow lab named Bailey and 1 chocolate lab named Ryder. They're only 6 months apart in age, which has been awesome to watch them grow together in their own little pack. However, now that we near the end, it's been difficult watching the slow decline happen x 2. We've been very fortunate that both dogs grew old with zero health issues to speak of. 14 is a pretty long time for a lab, so having both go this long is amazing. The biggest vet bill we ever had was when they both decided to compete for the same tennis ball and proceeded to smash mouths; each knocking out 2 front teeth requiring dental surgery to pull roots. From that day forward Bailey always shied away from a ball that Ryder was going after.
Both have been going through the typical weight loss, energy loss, back/hip issues, etc. But they've still 'been all there'. Bailey in particular was struggling more with the back/hip issues to the point the fusing of his back was pinching a nerve that caused him to start losing sensation of when he needed to poop. He started having accidents about a year and a half ago, but we dealt with it as it wasn't real often. That progressively got worse to the point we had to make sure he was out very frequently in the hopes that we'd get lucky and he'd go outside. To call that situation trying is an understatement.
I work from home permanently so I was taking care of him during the day while my wife/kids were at work and school. There were some very trying times when I'm on a conference call and he's barking. I knew which bark was "SQUIRREL!" vs. "help I've fallen and can't get up". I've rescued him from under chairs, tables, the baker's rack, etc. When he fell, he'd bark for help... but that barking would make him slide backwards to the point he'd eventually slide under something. In the off chance he barked him self into a corner, he could leverage against the 2 walls and get back up on his feet. I grew frustrated with him. I had thoughts that I was ready to make "the call" for a while, but my wife wasn't ready. So I waited for her.
Each time we took him to the vet for these various issues, she gave us the quality of life talk. She left it up to us on interpreting when it was time to make the call - "you'll know". Since he couldn't get up on his own if he happened to be laying on the bare wood floor, we strategically positioned left over carpet from carpeting our basement in his favorite spots so he had traction to get up. This helped, but it slowly declined to the point we were probably picking him up 90% of the time. Once he was up, he could walk OK, but only for a few minutes before he'd tire and his back end would start to droop. He'd soldier on in the back yard - 3/4 squatting while he sniffed around, ate sticks, etc.
About 3 months ago he was struggling to stay on his own (dog) bed - he's a big boy (in his prime he was tall and 85#) and barely fit on the dog beds to begin with. If he slipped around during a dream or something, he'd be halfway off his bed and couldn't get himself back on the bed due to the wood floors. So my wife took our kids' crib mattresses up from the basement and made those Bailey's beds. That was a big help, but that also meant he was spending more time in his bed. Around that time we started to notice him dribbling a few drops of pee when he got up. That luckily was contained to his bed, but that meant we were washing crib sheets daily or mopping the floor around the bed.
This past Saturday my wife came home with dog diapers since his dribbling had progressed to intermittent full bladder emptying. Internally I thought this is getting out of hand, but I supported her decision. On Sunday night we were in bed and she just burst into tears. I knew instantly what she was going to say.... "I'll call Christie tomorrow for Bailey" (Christie is our vet who we've both known since we were 12). My initial reaction was relief which quickly turned into guilt. We talked and cried in bed for 3 hours. We knew it was the right thing to do, but the weight of the decision was really showing itself the more we talked and cried.
I don't know why I wanted to write this next part out.... :(
Reveal hidden contents
We took him in last night at 5:00. They quickly met us at the door - they must've been watching for us. We were escorted to a small room that was set up comfortably for the pet and owners. We were given all of the cremation options, to stay during the injections, etc etc. We chose to take his body home with us to bury him in our back yard in his favorite spot. We also wanted to be with him through the end - no way could we leave him to die alone.
Christie came in and talked through the process with us - we were both surprised to hear its essentially an overdose of anesthesia and it would be over in 30sec or less. We gave him a ton of treats and a bag of M&Ms while Christie was talking. He of course slipped on the tile floor and we decided it was time; he was laying on the floor so we laid with him while she gave him the injections. It was peaceful for him, but my god.... the gravity of it all was too much. Laying with him, my face buried in his neck while he went was the most dramatic thing I've ever been through.
We brought him home and buried him in his spot; our 9 and 11yr old sons helped. We explained to them the night before - they weren't real sure how to react. They were good through the burial and even asked to see him and gave him one last scratch. I don't think they were super attached to the dogs since the dogs were around prior to either kid being born. Ryder was out there with us as well and sniffed every inch of the box. He was licking the handle cutouts where it was open to the inside of the box. I don't know what he was doing or what it meant, but it was interesting.
Between yesterday and today, I've been pretty down. More down than I ever would've expected over a dog. Making the decision to put him down and then going through with it has been the 2nd hardest thing I've ever done (1st being telling my mom its time to go to Hospice). In some ways, this feels more painful and real than when I lost my parents; and that makes me feel absolutely ridiculous. I'm ashamed to even write it out... However, I've spent some time reflecting on this and think I understand it a little. I don't know, it could be my way of coping....
I know we did the right thing for him, but it still hurts a ton. Christie said something that has stuck with me... "I'll suffer 1,000 heartaches so you don't have to suffer 1".
- Making the call to say "you're going to die at 5:00pm on Monday" is some very heavy stuff. I went through all sorts of "last" thoughts... This was his last breakfast, he's only got 1.5hrs left, etc. Having the end of his life timestamped like that is just something I wasn't prepared for, even though I thought I was ready.
- From Sunday night to Monday afternoon was torture at times given he's got absolutely no idea any of this is planned for him. He went about his normal day eating breakfast, chilllin' in the back yard eating sticks, rocks, bark straight off the tree (seriously, WTF Bailey
- The process was so much more intimate when he passed; we were there cuddled up with him on the floor as he went to sleep. We immediately got to bury him as a family. When my parents, grandparents, etc passed it had this sanitized feeling to it. The body is whisked away to be processed by various people and then you get to see this modified version of them a week+ later. You're almost insulated from their death compared to a pet. I don't know how else to put it into words.
RIP Bailey https://scontent.fphl2-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/33329562_956874497801070_381691377068539904_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=72c99179451215b842bf9228b572393a&oe=5BC17907
I've been there. I think my wife saw me cry more when I had to put my good buddy Malcolm down than any funeral for a person. It hurts. When I did it, I had much the same situation. I gave him a last meal. I was a puddle.
When we put him down I put my forehead on his and just lost it. I'm tearing up writing this...truthfully.
Sorry you have to go through this. But life is loss. For every season...and all that.
Hang in there buddy.
Ned
Footballguy
Sabertooth
Footballguy
Kanil
Footballguy
Completely agree. My grandmother died on Friday and I didn't cry but was a mess with the dog 3 days later. I think part of it is having to be the one to make the decision to end the life. Another part is that the dog had bone cancer and his mind was still there. I've put dogs down in the past but never one that was still a happy, tail wagging, pup.
He was definitely a mama's boy and my wife has been absolutely torn up. Her favorite thing to do when she was upset or sad was to use the mastiff's belly as a pillow and read. Since she's so sad she keeps thinking she should go lay with her dog and then the reason she's so sad hits her again.
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STEADYMOBBIN 22
Footballguy
Dude, I cried like a freaking baby for a week straight after I put my first dog down. I mean I was a complete hysterical, sobbing disaster. Don't feel bad or ashamed at all. Up until that time my wife thought I was a robot. I typically show ZERO emotion.
First was Kobe
Then Raja
Then Django
Stella who is 4 now will be my last. I simply cant take the losses anymore and won't subject myself to the pain.
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Kanil
Footballguy
My lab is 12... not looking forward to that either. She's in great shape for a 12 year old dog but when she's gone, I don't think I want another one. At least for a while.
Ned
Footballguy
Da Guru
Fair & Balanced
I feel for you. I always wanted a Yellow Lab..when I finally got one she lived until almost 14. At the end she was in bad shape and I was going to take her in to get put down..the day before my appointment she collapsed and died in out backyard. So she basically made the decision for me. And I am glad she did because I was struggling with it. I did not want another dog but my wife and daughters came home with an 8 week Yellow Lab pup 2 months later and the love was transferred.
You will do the right thing.
You will do the right thing.
Andy Dufresne
Footballguy
I wonder if it's because guys are the less verbal of the human species that we connect with our dogs so much.
We don't want to, for example, "talk it out" when we're feeling blue. We just want our buddy to sit there with us - and our dogs do.
When we want to play and be silly, our dogs are willing to oblige without judgement but, rather, with full participation and zero eye rolling.
My golden is my movie watching buddy. She got Lyme disease when she was quite young and is already slowing down at only eight years old. She's the first dog I've ever had that really felt like "mine". It's going to tear me up when the inevitable happens. Hopefully that's a lot further away than it seems like it may be.
We don't want to, for example, "talk it out" when we're feeling blue. We just want our buddy to sit there with us - and our dogs do.
When we want to play and be silly, our dogs are willing to oblige without judgement but, rather, with full participation and zero eye rolling.
My golden is my movie watching buddy. She got Lyme disease when she was quite young and is already slowing down at only eight years old. She's the first dog I've ever had that really felt like "mine". It's going to tear me up when the inevitable happens. Hopefully that's a lot further away than it seems like it may be.
Sabertooth
Footballguy
There is something to that. Their love is truly unconditional. With people it's always conditional.
John Bender
Footballguy
Got my Jack Russell, Kellie from a shelter a month after I got divorced 8/9 years ago.
She was 2 at the time. Had been abused, adopted twice and brought back within a week because "she barked too much" and "didn't get along with other animals or pets". She spent 13 months in the shelter.
I took her because I felt like we had both been rejected so many times we'd get along well.
I spent 6 years single, working from home everyday until I met my current wife 5 years ago. So we have never been separated (other than vacations) for more than a few hours. Even now, my wife travels 6 months a year and it's just me and Kellie alone most of the time.
She turned 10 this year, and she's slowing down for sure. After 7 years together we finally got a fenced in backyard (she's a major flight risk so she could never be outside and just run around). Now every day, during the workday, I take her outside and let her run around and then fall asleep in the sun for an hour just because she never looks happier when she's in that state.
Photo Evidence
Anyway, I dread the day. I know I'm going to have a nervous breakdown when her health starts failing, but if there's one thing I try to remember and I would say to you:
Try to smile, knowing that your dog was only going to have one life, and you gave it the best damn life is was going to have.
Cheers
She was 2 at the time. Had been abused, adopted twice and brought back within a week because "she barked too much" and "didn't get along with other animals or pets". She spent 13 months in the shelter.
I took her because I felt like we had both been rejected so many times we'd get along well.
I spent 6 years single, working from home everyday until I met my current wife 5 years ago. So we have never been separated (other than vacations) for more than a few hours. Even now, my wife travels 6 months a year and it's just me and Kellie alone most of the time.
She turned 10 this year, and she's slowing down for sure. After 7 years together we finally got a fenced in backyard (she's a major flight risk so she could never be outside and just run around). Now every day, during the workday, I take her outside and let her run around and then fall asleep in the sun for an hour just because she never looks happier when she's in that state.
Photo Evidence
Anyway, I dread the day. I know I'm going to have a nervous breakdown when her health starts failing, but if there's one thing I try to remember and I would say to you:
Try to smile, knowing that your dog was only going to have one life, and you gave it the best damn life is was going to have.
Cheers
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Kanil
Footballguy
This thread has me all sentimental so I went through some old facebook pics and pulled out some of my favorite ones:
My son was 9months old when we got Omar (8weeks). They were both 22lbs at the time. Omar has always been amazing with my son. Here hey are laying together.
BFFs on my bed (where they would lay every morning while my wife and I got ready for work).
Omar had to wear these while getting laser treatments on his knee when he tore his ACL.
Nappingwith on my wife.
My son was 9months old when we got Omar (8weeks). They were both 22lbs at the time. Omar has always been amazing with my son. Here hey are laying together.
BFFs on my bed (where they would lay every morning while my wife and I got ready for work).
Omar had to wear these while getting laser treatments on his knee when he tore his ACL.
Napping
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Andy Dufresne
Footballguy
SFBayDuck
Footballguy
Summit is a Husky mix, likely some shepherd and something else as he's not very big (41 pounds) and they don't think he'll grow much more. And yes, he's absolutely my trail buddy. I've gotten him out on a few good hikes, and the last one we ran the last two miles. He's got to get better on the leash before I start bringing him on longer stuff (he still stops all the time to pee on/smell everything), and my plan is that eventually he'll be voice controlled enough to run with him off leash where it's allowed (fire roads around here). Just starting training classes today with him at the humane society where we rescued him.What kind of dog? Will he/she become a trail partner?
Ned
Footballguy
all of those are friggin' awesome. Especially love the first one with Omar half laying on your son. That's such a dog thing. This is how Bailey would routinely sleep outside of my office when he was still capable of going up/down the stairs.
gianmarco
Footballguy
Glorious, goofy bastards. Love em to pieces.
This is how Bailey would routinely sleep outside of my office when he was still capable of going up/down the stairs.
In The Zone
Footballguy
I'm sorry for your loss GB. We just went through this on Mother's Day. It's still tough but getting a little better everyday. Mourning is a good thing.
Sabertooth
Footballguy
Dogs sleep in the weirdest positions sometimes.
This is how Bailey would routinely sleep outside of my office when he was still capable of going up/down the stairs.
Ned
Footballguy
Kanil
Footballguy
It was definitely a theme with him. He was a 180lb "lap dog" who didn't know his own size. Almost every night he'd try to sneak up onto the bed with us and every time he'd be surprised that we caught him. The only time he'd get to be on the bed is when we were getting ready or if I was out of town for work he would fill in for me as my wife's personal heater.
This is how Bailey would routinely sleep outside of my office when he was still capable of going up/down the stairs.
Found it
Ned
Footballguy
"lap dog" struck a chord with me. Bailey was one of those dogs that had no self awareness. He'd start by sitting next to you on the sofa. Then his head would be in your lap. Little by little he'd inch his way into your lap until you had his entire body on you and he'd look at you like "sup?".
That pic is phenomenal. His look up is like "I gotcha, little man. Take your time".
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Kanil
Footballguy
He was great with the boy. I remember when my son was about a year old and toddling around using furniture to keep himself on his feet. I walked into the livingroom and my son had straddled the dogs head, one foot on each ear, and was bouncing on his head while holding onto the coffee table. Omar was only around 10 months old but he just sat there and let him do it. He would also always place himself between my son and anyone the dog considered a stranger. It was hilarious to watch when other kids would come over to play and for the first 5 minutes Omar would be completely in the way."lap dog" struck a chord with me. Bailey was one of those dogs that had no self awareness. He'd start by sitting next to you on the sofa. Then his head would be in your lap. Little by little he'd inch his way into your lap until you had his entire body on you and he'd look at you like "sup?".
That pic is phenomenal. His look up is like "I gotcha, little man. Take your time".
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knowledge dropper
Footballguy
Hang in there. Going through the same back leg/back issues with my 12 year old golden. It sounds like you did all you could and gave your pup a great life. It’s tough.
Socrates11
Footballguy
I've read most if not all of James Herriot's books, about the country veterinarian in rural England ("All Creatures Great and Small" is an old BBC show that was based on his books). This story has always stuck with me and it has helped when I've had to put my own dog down.
In his story “The Card Over the Bed,” Herriot writes of an old woman whose only fear is that she may never be reunited with her animals after death because some people say animals have no soul. Holding the old woman’s hand, Herriot replies:
“If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. You’ve nothing to worry about there.”
In his story “The Card Over the Bed,” Herriot writes of an old woman whose only fear is that she may never be reunited with her animals after death because some people say animals have no soul. Holding the old woman’s hand, Herriot replies:
“If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. You’ve nothing to worry about there.”
Bruce Dickinson
Footballguy
Lizzy would sometimes sleep with her lower half flat on her back, and her upper half on her side. It freaked me out; looked like we'd assembled her wrong. The kid would see it and be all, "why did we get a dog from IKEA?".
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
seahawk 17
Footballguy
I have a co-worker who sets next me. Her dog is passing. Had to IM me to tell me. These times are hard, but we are there for you.
STEADYMOBBIN 22
Footballguy
Oh yeah, there’s a spot just like that in the upstairs hall between bedrooms that still hs all the scratches from our lat dog from his dreaming/jogging sessions.
This is how Bailey would routinely sleep outside of my office when he was still capable of going up/down the stairs.
worrierking
Footballguy
So sorry Ned. It's tough.
Ned
Footballguy
Aerial Assault
Footballguy
:( Sorry to hear this, Ned. Clearly you were an awesome human companion.
Mr. Ected
Footballguy
We have a Jack Russell/Beagle mix. She loves to lay in the sun so much I think she is solar. Looks like they could be sisters!
Andy Dufresne
Footballguy
