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Taking in a child from a troubled home NOV '23 UPDATE: Epilogue (1 Viewer)

Super classy response. 

Unfortunate that you felt the need to add the snarky responses repeatedly in here instead of either keeping it to yourself or at least offering the same sentiment without the tasteless comments in an otherwise difficult thread.

The fact that you even tied my response to you with a donation you gave almost a year ago says quite a bit.  PM me your paypal and I'll gladly ship the $27.25 you donated to a needy family.
you know, i sincerely apologize.  this is not who i am.  by no means should i have done that and i know this.  been a little on edge lately with a personal issue.  no excuse.  i do hope you accept my apology and we both can move on.  

 
you know, i sincerely apologize.  this is not who i am.  by no means should i have done that and i know this.  been a little on edge lately with a personal issue.  no excuse.  i do hope you accept my apology and we both can move on.  
We've all gone through that. Fully accepted and all good on my end.  You've always come across not anything like this in the past so I was surprised.

Hope things get better on your end as well. Good luck. :hifive:

 
do they have any connection to psychiatric services. Not a big fan of medicating kids as a first look, but there are some medications that are intended for more temporary means and can be used more on a PRN basis. Not sure if it is any kind of an option cause don't know all you are dealing with, but would hate to see things break down again. 

and most important thing with counseling and getting a therapist is to be assertive. There are a lot of "bad" therapist/counselors. Bad is the word i really don't want to use, but there are a lot who don't develop a therapeutic rapport with the kids and take the time to utilize evidence-based practices. SO doesn't hurt to look into and make sure you guys are feeling the therapist is working and Padme can open up to them
Buckeye Ranch does indeed have access to psychiatric help. I imagine that's what Padme needs and the 10 minute meeting we had with her pediatrician, who then prescribed Prozac, was not enough. The psychiatrist at Children's Hospital decided Prozac wasn't right for her and discontinued it. 

As of now, Padme is on no meds. That may change in the future as more psychiatrists meet with her. 

I'm way behind on this thread, so if you've responded and not gotten anything in response from me please don't be offended. 

 
So when the OP’s wife puts her foot down and says me and the boys or Padme (because I believe that is where this is heading) what is our OP’s obligation? 

It is complete BS to think he has the same obligation to this trouble child as he does to his wife and biological kids.
I've still got a few days worth of posts to look through, so I imagine this has already been addressed. 

My first reaction to reading your reply was "F you! Why are you crapping on my thread?" But that's the wrong reaction on my part. You actually raise a very valid  point. 

If I'm forced to choose between my wife and sons or Padme, I will absolutely choose the former. I hope that it doesn't come to that. My hope is that Padme will become part of our family. We've made tremendous progress in only 6 months. I think she's beginning to see us as her foster  family but there are a lot of historical roadblocks that keep her from doing so 

 
Stating that the OP’s obligation to his biological family is greater than his obligation to Padme in no way implies she is trash. I agree she is valuable in her own right and deserving of their time and effort, I just believe the OP can’t allow her to destroy his family.
And that is certainly one of the things I'm  considering as this all plays out. This situation is nowhere near decided. One of the factors I'm considering is the affect it has on my wife and kids

I will not choose Padme over my wife or sons. I hope to integrate her into our family but, if I'm forced to, I will kick her to the curb (ie foster services.)

 
Chemical X said:
since you took the time to find my posts, also find the time to send me back my donation to your charitable cause, tia.

i’ve been busting the OP since the beginning here.  this was a bad idea from the get go.  sometimes the truth hurts.  doing the right thing is great in life, but when you jeopardize your direct family, well, you won’t get any sympathy from me.  i don’t know what the ultimate goal was here; white guilt, hero syndrome, etc., but you need to be extricate yourself from this situation ASAP.  this isn’t like adopting a dog with a barking problem.  this isn’t and shouldn’t be your problem.  having your family hate and resent you over a borderline sociopathic juvenile is counter to how i was raised.  all of you bleeding hearts can keep offering thoughts and prayers and see how that works out when something terrible happens down the line.  my advice continues to remain, though i will temper my snarky replies, lest i make shadycrier weep uncontrollably.  
Wow, you really are a complete Richard. Welcome to my ignore list, which isn't easy to get on if you're not a DSP alias. 

I tried to help a child that needed it. I tried to a keep a child from being put into the foster system. I love this kid like a daughter, and I will continue to do everything I can to give her a better life. 

You, sir, have no redeemable qualities. You are useless. The only thing you have in life is to denigrate people who are trying to help and make a difference. 

F You, @Chemical X

 
Buckeye Ranch does indeed have access to psychiatric help. I imagine that's what Padme needs and the 10 minute meeting we had with her pediatrician, who then prescribed Prozac, was not enough. The psychiatrist at Children's Hospital decided Prozac wasn't right for her and discontinued it. 

As of now, Padme is on no meds. That may change in the future as more psychiatrists meet with her. 

I'm way behind on this thread, so if you've responded and not gotten anything in response from me please don't be offended. 
Speaking of meds. In the event that she is rxd something for anxiety/depression, I'd stay away from effexor. So many complaints that if you don't take it the same time each day, you'll feel fluish/ill. Many women take this to help with hot flashes as well. When they decide to either ween off of it or transfer to another one, they feel awful for a couple or so weeks.

Celexa and Lexapro are kind if you even miss a day.

 
Wow, you really are a complete Richard. Welcome to my ignore list, which isn't easy to get on if you're not a DSP alias. 

I tried to help a child that needed it. I tried to a keep a child from being put into the foster system. I love this kid like a daughter, and I will continue to do everything I can to give her a better life. 

You, sir, have no redeemable qualities. You are useless. The only thing you have in life is to denigrate people who are trying to help and make a difference. 

F You, @Chemical X
I tried to help a child that needed it. I tried to a keep a child from being put into the foster system. I love this kid like a daughter, and I will continue to do everything I can to give her a better life. 

all this at the expense of your family.  that is my only point, though poorly conveyed.  at some point they may hate and resent you, is this worth it?  there are many other ways to be charitable, with both time and money.  you've gone above and beyond and can not be faulted if you decide to cut bait.  

sorry for posting again, but i got this notification and it was pretty hateful.  lots of people will be updating their ignore i suppose.

gl

 
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Speaking of meds. In the event that she is rxd something for anxiety/depression, I'd stay away from effexor. So many complaints that if you don't take it the same time each day, you'll feel fluish/ill. Many women take this to help with hot flashes as well. When they decide to either ween off of it or transfer to another one, they feel awful for a couple or so weeks.

Celexa and Lexapro are kind if you even miss a day.
I agree. I was on Effexor for quite a while and it messed up my body permanently. Even after being off it for over 5 years I still get muscle twitches  and sometimes a full-body twinge. Like an electrical shock contracting all the muscles in my body.  It's hard to explain, but it's very disconcerting and it's one of the listed side effects of Effexor. 

Padme's Doctor told me that Effexor works well for puberty-age boys, but she wouldn't prescribe it to anyone else. 

I did Lexapro for 5 years after Effexor, and just recently switched to Prozac. 

 
Hey friend.

The last page or so was some of the most bizarre and jerk-ish posting I've ever seen on this site.  I just wanted to send great vibes to you and your family again and remind you how much support you have here from a bunch of folks who think you're the bee's knees.

Also unlimited Bugles upon your demand.

 
Buckeye Ranch does indeed have access to psychiatric help. I imagine that's what Padme needs and the 10 minute meeting we had with her pediatrician, who then prescribed Prozac, was not enough. The psychiatrist at Children's Hospital decided Prozac wasn't right for her and discontinued it. 

As of now, Padme is on no meds. That may change in the future as more psychiatrists meet with her. 

I'm way behind on this thread, so if you've responded and not gotten anything in response from me please don't be offended. 
lol, you have your hands full. Anybody who would be offended is a little off their rocker. 

and it is good if she is open to the meds. will take some trial and error to maybe find something that works, but it hopefully helps to stabilize her a bit in your home so no big blow ups. 

it sounds like you guys are involved in "family-based" services (that is what it is referred to in PA), so hope that helps. Good for all of you to be open to it. 

 
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I agree. I was on Effexor for quite a while and it messed up my body permanently. Even after being off it for over 5 years I still get muscle twitches  and sometimes a full-body twinge. Like an electrical shock contracting all the muscles in my body.  It's hard to explain, but it's very disconcerting and it's one of the listed side effects of Effexor. 

Padme's Doctor told me that Effexor works well for puberty-age boys, but she wouldn't prescribe it to anyone else. 

I did Lexapro for 5 years after Effexor, and just recently switched to Prozac. 
holy ####.  I had no idea that stuff would affect someone that way.  

 
I agree. I was on Effexor for quite a while and it messed up my body permanently. Even after being off it for over 5 years I still get muscle twitches  and sometimes a full-body twinge. Like an electrical shock contracting all the muscles in my body.  It's hard to explain, but it's very disconcerting and it's one of the listed side effects of Effexor. 

Padme's Doctor told me that Effexor works well for puberty-age boys, but she wouldn't prescribe it to anyone else. 

I did Lexapro for 5 years after Effexor, and just recently switched to Prozac. 
Wow. I know someone who had such reactions as you by trying 50mg of zoloft.

If even only 1 person ever reports a se then it gets listed. Some people are left with permanent ses even after stopping meds, as you know, so the med causing harsh ses should be stopped asap and reported to the rxing dr. I'm amazed as to how many people think that because they are having bad ses, it must mean the med is working so they keep taking it. When a med is hard to take, sometimes it means the person is having a bad reaction to a filler, and not the active ingedient. So if a particular med is recommended  for you, it would be good to explore different manufacturers of that med before switching to something else.

 
I agree. I was on Effexor for quite a while and it messed up my body permanently. Even after being off it for over 5 years I still get muscle twitches  and sometimes a full-body twinge. Like an electrical shock contracting all the muscles in my body.  It's hard to explain, but it's very disconcerting and it's one of the listed side effects of Effexor. 
This is definitely off topic, but have you checked with a doctor about this? I won't say it's impossible to have those long term side effects after stopping, but the odds are low. Really low. Even low odds mean somebody gets stuck holding the short straw, but those are side effects I'd expect with some medications prescribed for different ailments. 

 
This is definitely off topic, but have you checked with a doctor about this? I won't say it's impossible to have those long term side effects after stopping, but the odds are low. Really low. Even low odds mean somebody gets stuck holding the short straw, but those are side effects I'd expect with some medications prescribed for different ailments. 
Honestly no, I've never mentioned it to my doc. It started while I was still taking Effexor and I researched it. In the documentation it's listed as a possible side effect, and that it may become permanent even after you've gone off the medication. 

I figure it's just something I'll have to live with. It usually happens while I'm trying to fall asleep, so it's not a big hindrance to my quality of life  just really freaking annoying when it happens. 

 
Honestly no, I've never mentioned it to my doc. It started while I was still taking Effexor and I researched it. In the documentation it's listed as a possible side effect, and that it may become permanent even after you've gone off the medication. 

I figure it's just something I'll have to live with. It usually happens while I'm trying to fall asleep, so it's not a big hindrance to my quality of life  just really freaking annoying when it happens. 
Sounds like you have restless leg syndrome 

 
lol, you have your hands full. Anybody who would be offended is a little off their rocker. 

and it is good if she is open to the meds. will take some trial and error to maybe find something that works, but it hopefully helps to stabilize her a bit in your home so no big blow ups. 

it sounds like you guys are involved in "family-based" services (that is what it is referred to in PA), so hope that helps. Good for all of you to be open to it. 
Padme is fundamentally against taking meds because her mom and dad both are drug addicts. She hears "drug" and is immediately turned off of it. It's difficult to even get her to take Sudafed if she's stuffy, or Tylenol if she has a fever. 

When we met with the pediatrician, the doc was fantastic about talking to her and getting her to agree to take Prozac. Three days later, she was in the hospital and the hospital psychiatrist decided Prozac wasn't right for her. 

I don't know how Padme will react if another doc recommends medication. 

 
Padme is fundamentally against taking meds because her mom and dad both are drug addicts. She hears "drug" and is immediately turned off of it. It's difficult to even get her to take Sudafed if she's stuffy, or Tylenol if she has a fever. 

When we met with the pediatrician, the doc was fantastic about talking to her and getting her to agree to take Prozac. Three days later, she was in the hospital and the hospital psychiatrist decided Prozac wasn't right for her. 

I don't know how Padme will react if another doc recommends medication. 
Hopefully that ranch will have groups with other kids her age for her to be able to share with someone her age. Groups are just as important as the 1:1. If she's to try another med, pairing up with a kid already on it can help her see it's not the same thing she saw with her parents. 

 
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Padme is fundamentally against taking meds because her mom and dad both are drug addicts. She hears "drug" and is immediately turned off of it. It's difficult to even get her to take Sudafed if she's stuffy, or Tylenol if she has a fever. 

When we met with the pediatrician, the doc was fantastic about talking to her and getting her to agree to take Prozac. Three days later, she was in the hospital and the hospital psychiatrist decided Prozac wasn't right for her. 

I don't know how Padme will react if another doc recommends medication. 
While that's a challenge for prescription medication, it's really good news in terms of hoping she'll stay away from recreational drugs and peer pressure. Hopefully she views alcohol the same way.

 
lol, you have your hands full. Anybody who would be offended is a little off their rocker. 

and it is good if she is open to the meds. will take some trial and error to maybe find something that works, but it hopefully helps to stabilize her a bit in your home so no big blow ups. 

it sounds like you guys are involved in "family-based" services (that is what it is referred to in PA), so hope that helps. Good for all of you to be open to it. 
Yes," Intensive Family-Based Services" is what they're signing us up for. Basically, a therapist will come to our house to talk not only with Padme, but with the rest of the family as well. 3-5 hours of counseling a week, as opposed to the 1 hour she's getting now. It sounds great and I think she's in desperate need of it. 

Problem is, there's a 6-9 week waiting list. Until they can hook us up, we will continue seeing the counselor we've been going to. 

 
Padme is fundamentally against taking meds because her mom and dad both are drug addicts. She hears "drug" and is immediately turned off of it. It's difficult to even get her to take Sudafed if she's stuffy, or Tylenol if she has a fever. 

When we met with the pediatrician, the doc was fantastic about talking to her and getting her to agree to take Prozac. Three days later, she was in the hospital and the hospital psychiatrist decided Prozac wasn't right for her. 

I don't know how Padme will react if another doc recommends medication. 
hmm, that makes it stickier. and she isn't wrong. i guess it is a good thing for her to be aware of her family history and be cautious to get near it,  but this is where a good treatment team will be so key. Great job with that pediatrician and glad you got some support with that. 

definitely not an easy thing you and your family are going through, but it i good you guys knew that going into it. Stick it through, her options outside of your family are real tough. There will be good and bad days, particularly with any kid this age. 

there is no quick and easy answer, but getting a treatment team you can trust is better then a mechanic you can trust. hopefully you get one, and you guys can help her on this ride. She will appreciate it beyond what you can imagine one day. 

 
Yes," Intensive Family-Based Services" is what they're signing us up for. Basically, a therapist will come to our house to talk not only with Padme, but with the rest of the family as well. 3-5 hours of counseling a week, as opposed to the 1 hour she's getting now. It sounds great and I think she's in desperate need of it. 

Problem is, there's a 6-9 week waiting list. Until they can hook us up, we will continue seeing the counselor we've been going to. 
that makes sense. I assume they are qualified and have got the whole training in eco-systemic family therapy. it will be a good way to support you and your family while Padme gets used to talking out her feelings

 
Sounds like you have restless leg syndrome 
Yep. Not to say it can't be a side effect of the medication, but this sounds like RLS. That's not curable per se so even if it's not from the former medication you're still somewhat screwed, but there will be some things you can do if it's RLS. I think you should bring this up to your doctor. You might be that unlucky person who gets the side effects but there's a reasonable chance this is something else that just coincided with your stopping the medication. 

I'm not trying to steal the Padme limelight but your description is odd. Not impossible, but unusual enough I'd say you should bring it up with your doctor. :shrug:

 
First time I've posted in a long time, and there's a reason for that. I got laid off from my job at JPMorgan Chase after working there for 25 years. I've been out of work for months. I sank into a depression unlike any I've ever known in my life. This entire year has sucked, plain and simple. 

I'm working again, things seem to be OK for now. But I realize that those of you who have been following this thread may want to know how things are. 

Not bad, all things considered. After her suicide attempt things have really improved. We've gotten more counseling from Buckeye Ranch, a non-profit here in Columbus. We have a counselor come to our house 5 hours a week to talk with Padme and with the rest of the family. It has made a big difference. 

We also have Padme on Zoloft now. The medication has made a huge difference. 

Things still aren't great. My wife just caught Padme smoking pot in her bedroom 2 nights ago. So now she's grounded again. But honestly? I've smoked more pot than most people, so I can't get too upset about that. Yes, I yelled at her, I told her it's not allowed in my house. She's in trouble, grounded again. My biggest problem is that she thought she could smoke pot IN MY HOUSE and no one would notice. She's really not smart when it comes to being sneaky. 

*****

Her mom has now been sober from heroin for SIX WHOLE WEEKS! Good job, mom! </sarcasm>

That has caused a lot of tension because both Padme and her mom think that they should be able to spend more and more time together. We don't prevent them from seeing each other, but overnight visits are NOT OK. 

The last time her mom was off heroin for 11 months, then she OD'ed in the bathroom and Padme had to call 911. So, forgive me if I'm not hopeful for her long term success.

Her mom actually said something about arranging joint custody but not doing it through the court. Just informal ya know? Yeah, not gonna happen. No judge in the country would restore your parental rights, which you gave up in return for no jail time. 10 years ago. 

Padme is on the school's volleyball team. She really enjoys it and she's pretty much the best player on her team. That's not saying much, though, because the entire team is pretty bad. No strategy, no teamwork, just "hit the ball back over the net!" Honestly though, I don't care. She's playing a team sport which is more than my boys can say. 

So, that's my update. I apologize for taking so long, but honestly my life has sucked and I'm surprised I didn't commit suicide this year. Updating the FFA was not a priority. 

I hope things are better now. Thank you to everyone who has offered their support. 

 
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I'm glad you're back to work and Padme is getting better.  Keep things moving in the right direction and your hard work and good parenting will win in the end.  We're all here to lean on when you need it.

 
Damn, that's a lot of weight to carry around. I hope the new job lifts some of it from you. I also hope you are speaking to a professional to help sort you through the tough times.

Good luck and continued strength.

 
That must have sucked bug blue donkey balls.  (Can you even say that here?)  I'm so glad you found a new job.

I'm really glad Padme is hanging in there.  Good job, y'all.
Yes because the balls are blue which implies the donkey is not sexually active. Considering we don't allow donkeys to marry, chastity is the only the FBG approved lifestyle for donkeys. 

Also keep the faith Mike, you are doing something special! 

 
I hope things are better now. Thank you to everyone who has offered their support. 
keep your head up man. sounds like things are turning around for you, so stay positive, and always remember the positive influence you are making on this girl's life.

also, with the FFA, don't forget that you've always got a ton of people here that you can bounce things off of when stuff is not going well.

 
I'm glad that you're back and feeling better.  I'd been worried about you.

As someone else mentioned, there is a lot of support here if you're ever feeling that down again and feel like reaching out.  Lots of good folks that have helped others in the suicide and depression threads (I'm merely a lurker in those but see the good work others have done).

 
I was out of work for a stretch this year too, and with a couple of similar ages kids to take care of, so I can completely empathize with how much suck you went through. Even starting a new job at our ages is tough... adjusting and proving yourself (at a higher wage than most  of your coworkers) is stressful as hell. Add Padme and her situation and I'm in complete awe that you've held it together so well... Kudos, gb.

As others have said- don't be afraid to use and lean on your anonypals here at the FFA. Some great people and advises. Hell- I was essentially employed for the last 10 years due to the ffa and gb Nick vermeil.

Glad to see you back and gl with the new job and the amazing work you're doing with your family.

 
I can't say anything better than people have said, so this is just a note of encouragement for what you're doing and in your life, MikeIke. Good luck.  

 

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