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Hardest decision in my life (1 Viewer)

Sand

Sand

Footballguy
So I've been on this board for, like, forever. I yammer a lot but don't typically get involved in the deep threads. However, I got to thinking today and figured I'd share this (and see what others here would have done), as tomorrow my child has surgery again (hopefully minor) - the last time he had surgery is the basis of my story.

October 1, last year. My father had been in ICU for 6 weeks and gone up and down in his health, but never quite good enough to get ejected from ICU. I spent every weekend (he was 5 hours away) and many other days down with him. Right around this time my oldest, 15, tore his ACL in football practice. One of those injuries you know is bad - he went down without anyone touching him. We schedule surgery for the 15th as he has some meniscus issues that needed relatively prompt attention. As a typical kid he's pretty scared about the whole thing (I'm just scared about the anesthesia part). During the next two weeks my father does ok and then nosedives. I get a call at about 1am on the 15th that all his systems are shutting down and him passing on is imminent. Child's is scheduled to be in surgery at 8am.

Given the distance I'm left with a pretty simple choice - see my father one last time or stay with my child through his surgery?

I made my choice and I'm comfortable with it. I'd be interested to hear what others would have done here.

 
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That's a tough one but assuming you have another family member who can be with your son, I would definitely see dad. Your son will be fine but you will never get another opportunity to say goodbye to your father.

 
Agree with most of the replies so far. If the kid was 7, I'd get the conundrum. A 15-year-old should be mature enough to accept the difficult choice you made.

 
I think it would depend on the previously last visit with your dad. If it were goodbyes already then, I'd talk to sonny, feel him out and take it from there. Leaning towards visiting dad if son is not about to be seriously traumatized by it

 
fred_1_15301 said:
That's a tough one but assuming you have another family member who can be with your son, I would definitely see dad. Your son will be fine but you will never get another opportunity to say goodbye to your father.
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Ditto this. Your son will need constant attention for weeks getting him around.

 
msommer said:
I think it would depend on the previously last visit with your dad. If it were goodbyes already then, I'd talk to sonny, feel him out and take it from there. Leaning towards visiting dad if son is not about to be seriously traumatized by it
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This is :goodposting:

 
msommer said:
I think it would depend on the previously last visit with your dad. If it were goodbyes already then, I'd talk to sonny, feel him out and take it from there. Leaning towards visiting dad if son is not about to be seriously traumatized by it
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Lots of visits (as you'd expect). The last week he was heavily sedated.

It was a pretty ####ty day all around.

(And note this was 6 months ago, so I now look back with a little more clarity on what was going on back then).

 
Dad.

If it's going to be an issue reschedule the surgery.

My :twocents:

 
no brainer, your dad.

When i was 15 i don't think i would have cared if my parents were there for a knee surgery. If your kid was 10 or younger than maybe, but at 15 no way.

 
First of all, my condolences on your father. Sucks about your kid too.

As others have said, I go see my father again. Your son's surgery, while freaky to him, is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. He's going to be fine. I'm sure he'll understand.

 
Hang in there, man, I went through this with my Dad just about this time 2011. It was hard, but lean on the ones who love you and you will emerge. Your son will be proud of the choice you make if you see your pop. Deepest sympathy and prayers to you and your family.

 
My mother went into the hospital for the last time right around the time of my daughter's high school graduation. Mom told me to stick around for the ceremony and come to visit her afterwards. She slipped into a coma while I was on the plane. I spent her last day with her but missed the chance to speak with her one more time. It's not one of life's biggest regrets but I wish I played it differently.

Another vote for dad

 
Vote for Dad.

Or Mom. :(

Sorry for your loss.

eta* And seriously, we all have to make tough choices, but you didn't make the wrong one regardless. Anesthesia is a serious thing.

 
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Without looking at replies, Id stay with your son. Your father willl probably be incoherent anyway and would understand 100%. It sounds like you stayed with him a ton over the last few months. Anyway best wishes and good luck to your son.

 
I would have gone with dad, but that is a hindsight thought for me. Before my parents passed away, I might have picked the son option, but now that my parents are passed, I would choose dad all the way on this one.

 
I was driving to he hospital (About an hour away) when my father died, so didn't get a chance to say a final goodbye. Given your situation, I drive to see my Dad.

 
Honestly, there's no wrong answer. It's such a personal decision that only you can know what was right for you.

Was your Dad conscious/communicative?

 
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Dad. In fact, going to see your dad might have calmed the son. Made him think his surgery wasn't as big of a deal.

As was stated, no right or wrong answer.

 
Tough choice. I'd probably stay with son (assuming no unresolved issues with dad).

I suppose it also depends on whether Dad had other family around. In an ideal world, you reschedule son's surgery, so you can do both.

 
Sorry you have to go through this--what a terrible choice to have to make. If your Dad's systems are shutting down he may not be aware, and given that you've already said your goodbyes to Dad I might stay with your son in this situation until he's out of the anesthesia. Whichever you decided I hope it worked for you.

 
Talk with your son. If he's ok with you going to see your father, go. If he's not, reschedule his surgery and go see your father. In the end, you go see your father.

 
shadyridr said:
Without looking at replies, Id stay with your son. Your father willl probably be incoherent anyway and would understand 100%. It sounds like you stayed with him a ton over the last few months. Anyway best wishes and good luck to your son.
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This was my thought.

 
Tough call. I agree with others and would visit Dad. Hope all goes as well as can be expected.

 
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