Assisted Living Questions (1 Viewer)

[coopersdad]

About a year and a half ago we moved my mom from her house to a "graduated" assisted living complex (ie as you graduate through aging, you would move from one area of the complex to another).

She was in Group 1 of 4, which basically was an apartment with access to all the group activities at the "club". Soon after that she was diagnosed with Parkinson's. She's been ok and she's been going to PT for walking and speech, but in March she fell and broke her knee (tripping over something that should not have been in her apartment during a repair in her kitchen). Knee was heeling nicely but about a month ago she tripped and broke her hip and had to have surgery.

From what I understand from speaking w/ her Dr's, anesthesia and Parkinson's are not a good combination and it is showing in her ability to communicate, hold a conversation, etc.

She's a trooper and has been a regular at all her therapy, but I can see that the rehab facility is taking a toll on her.

She is about to be able to be released from her rehab facility, and my sister and I need to find her a place to go for "assisted" living with memory care (old place is not an option).

If anyone has had experience with this, what are the things that we should look for (positives) and look out for (negatives). One of the important things that she wants is social activities and social interaction.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Ron Swanson]

I have no useful advice or experience. I wish I did. But I hope you find a great place for your mother.

 

[Dezbelief]

Make a list of options in the area, visit each option. There is a wide range of prices and level of care. Just because one place charges more doesn't necessarily mean they will provide better care or be a better fit. The first thing I judge a place on is smell. If you can smell urine while walking in the hallways immediately cross that place off your list. Can you smell something cooking in the kitchen? Does it smell appetizing? I would collect the latest community calendar/newsletter from each option. Are there activities on the calendar your mom enjoys? Are there group bus trips to the store, dinner or entertainment? Is there transportation available to and from doctors visits? What is the cost? Are there any doctors that make regular visits to the community? Does your mom need help remembering to take her meds properly? Some places might have that service already priced in, others might charge extra and some might not help at all with meds. Are any meals included? Does your mom have to come to a dining room to eat or can she eat in her room? What appliances are allowed in rooms? Who controls the temperature of the room, how is the room heated/cooled? Are residents free to walk out the front door anytime or is the front door kept locked all the time?

Find out what services are included in the base price, what services have extra charges and if there any services not available that your mom needs.

Observe the residents! Are they happy? Are they quick to start up a friendly conversation? Are there any groups sitting around talking? Is there any activities happening? How is the attendance/attitude? How many common areas are available for residents to use? How many are in use?

Observe the staff, not the salesperson. Are they smiling? Are they courteous? Are they overworked? Are they rude?

How are staff/resident interactions? Is there smiling and joking?

After you narrow down your choices do a second visit of each place at a different time of day. Does the first impression hold up with the second shift?


You might find the perfect place but your mom is miserable. There are cliques in most of these places and people can be childish no matter their age. Don't hesitate to move your mom if she's not thriving.

Good luck!

 

[coopersdad]

Make a list of options in the area, visit each option. There is a wide range of prices and level of care. Just because one place charges more doesn't necessarily mean they will provide better care or be a better fit. The first thing I judge a place on is smell. If you can smell urine while walking in the hallways immediately cross that place off your list. Can you smell something cooking in the kitchen? Does it smell appetizing? I would collect the latest community calendar/newsletter from each option. Are there activities on the calendar your mom enjoys? Are there group bus trips to the store, dinner or entertainment? Is there transportation available to and from doctors visits? What is the cost? Are there any doctors that make regular visits to the community? Does your mom need help remembering to take her meds properly? Some places might have that service already priced in, others might charge extra and some might not help at all with meds. Are any meals included? Does your mom have to come to a dining room to eat or can she eat in her room? What appliances are allowed in rooms? Who controls the temperature of the room, how is the room heated/cooled? Are residents free to walk out the front door anytime or is the front door kept locked all the time?

Find out what services are included in the base price, what services have extra charges and if there any services not available that your mom needs.

Observe the residents! Are they happy? Are they quick to start up a friendly conversation? Are there any groups sitting around talking? Is there any activities happening? How is the attendance/attitude? How many common areas are available for residents to use? How many are in use?

Observe the staff, not the salesperson. Are they smiling? Are they courteous? Are they overworked? Are they rude?

How are staff/resident interactions? Is there smiling and joking?

After you narrow down your choices do a second visit of each place at a different time of day. Does the first impression hold up with the second shift?


You might find the perfect place but your mom is miserable. There are cliques in most of these places and people can be childish no matter their age. Don't hesitate to move your mom if she's not thriving.

Good luck!

Lots of good stuff here. I've copied and pasted this to my sister for reference. Thanks for the thoughtful response.

 

[Senor Schmutzig]

Make a list of options in the area, visit each option. There is a wide range of prices and level of care. Just because one place charges more doesn't necessarily mean they will provide better care or be a better fit. The first thing I judge a place on is smell. If you can smell urine while walking in the hallways immediately cross that place off your list. Can you smell something cooking in the kitchen? Does it smell appetizing? I would collect the latest community calendar/newsletter from each option. Are there activities on the calendar your mom enjoys? Are there group bus trips to the store, dinner or entertainment? Is there transportation available to and from doctors visits? What is the cost? Are there any doctors that make regular visits to the community? Does your mom need help remembering to take her meds properly? Some places might have that service already priced in, others might charge extra and some might not help at all with meds. Are any meals included? Does your mom have to come to a dining room to eat or can she eat in her room? What appliances are allowed in rooms? Who controls the temperature of the room, how is the room heated/cooled? Are residents free to walk out the front door anytime or is the front door kept locked all the time?

Find out what services are included in the base price, what services have extra charges and if there any services not available that your mom needs.

Observe the residents! Are they happy? Are they quick to start up a friendly conversation? Are there any groups sitting around talking? Is there any activities happening? How is the attendance/attitude? How many common areas are available for residents to use? How many are in use?

Observe the staff, not the salesperson. Are they smiling? Are they courteous? Are they overworked? Are they rude?

How are staff/resident interactions? Is there smiling and joking?

After you narrow down your choices do a second visit of each place at a different time of day. Does the first impression hold up with the second shift?


You might find the perfect place but your mom is miserable. There are cliques in most of these places and people can be childish no matter their age. Don't hesitate to move your mom if she's not thriving.

Good luck!

I'm not sure when it's going to be, but at some point, I am going to need to reference this post. Thanks @Dezbelief. There is a lot of good information here for someone that is in this tough situation.

 

[CletiusMaximus]

One lesson I learned is that some of these places are set up more to please the family than the resident. Its like they are set up to feel like a resort hotel with a waterfall in the lobby area and smooth jazz playing, a beautiful deck out back, etc. But none of that stuff is important to the resident, especially in a memory care situation. One thing I liked about the place we found for my mom was the layout was a simple rectangle with activity/eating areas in the middle. She was able to find her way to her room on her own (while she was ambulatory) - even if she went the wrong way around she would eventually get to her room, the dining area, etc. There is always going to be high turnover at these places in the staff, so for me it was important to speak with the director/manager of the facility. The place we found was far from the most expensive and not the nicest (in terms of amenities and such) by a long shot, but the director had been there nearly 10 years and had a very engaging, sincere personality. She was still there when my mom passed away 5 years later and we had developed a strong relationship with her - extremely important to us. Location is also obviously important as you take into account who will be visiting, so we found a place kind of strategically placed for my step-dad, my sister and me to all be able to visit without massive inconvenience.

 

[FairWarning]

I have gone thru this, but Dez post should be printed off and used as a guideline. It’s really something I wish I had access to.

 

[The Dreaded Marco]

I have gone thru this, but Dez post should be printed off and used as a guideline. It’s really something I wish I had access to.

Same for me.

Dez said everything I would've said and more.

The one thing I was going to add was then pointed out by Cletius regarding location---my mom's facility was 2 blocks from my workplace so I was able to drop by almost every day on my lunch hour. Which brings me to another very important piece of advice for anyone going through this---be present and visible at the facility as often as possible. It seems obvious but, sadly, it doesn't always happen. Family and friends present consistently that are interacting with staff and management can make a difference for your loved one.

So sorry to hear you're going through this with your mother @coopersdad. Many of us have or will have to as well. Best of luck.

 

[bushdocda]

Dez hit a lot of great points. Look at the physical plant and little things, will give a sense of the investment and ongoing maintenance approach they have. The employee staffing ratios and coverages/roles they employ should align with the needs of today and nearish future for your family member. Consider the emergency response aspect of things as well from the staffing and training/skills of staff.
The continuum of care offered and levels of care package should be clear and understandable. Look for the things you know will be important like outdoor spaces or community activities or onsite medical services bc this can vary dramatically.

Message me with where abouts you are and I may be able to help, I work in senior housing management. Good luck to you and family.

 

[SayChowda]

Dez really hit on the key points. Well done.

I went through this a little more than a year ago with my mother. After she got over her room/apt being smaller than her house, she started thriving. Eating 3 meals a day with other ladies with similar interests, playing lots of organized Word and language related games to keep your mind sharp, etc. Unfortunately she passed away after like 2 months of beings there due to an unforseen medical situation.

 

[NutterButter]

Make a list of options in the area, visit each option. There is a wide range of prices and level of care. Just because one place charges more doesn't necessarily mean they will provide better care or be a better fit. The first thing I judge a place on is smell. If you can smell urine while walking in the hallways immediately cross that place off your list. Can you smell something cooking in the kitchen? Does it smell appetizing? I would collect the latest community calendar/newsletter from each option. Are there activities on the calendar your mom enjoys? Are there group bus trips to the store, dinner or entertainment? Is there transportation available to and from doctors visits? What is the cost? Are there any doctors that make regular visits to the community? Does your mom need help remembering to take her meds properly? Some places might have that service already priced in, others might charge extra and some might not help at all with meds. Are any meals included? Does your mom have to come to a dining room to eat or can she eat in her room? What appliances are allowed in rooms? Who controls the temperature of the room, how is the room heated/cooled? Are residents free to walk out the front door anytime or is the front door kept locked all the time?

Find out what services are included in the base price, what services have extra charges and if there any services not available that your mom needs.

Observe the residents! Are they happy? Are they quick to start up a friendly conversation? Are there any groups sitting around talking? Is there any activities happening? How is the attendance/attitude? How many common areas are available for residents to use? How many are in use?

Observe the staff, not the salesperson. Are they smiling? Are they courteous? Are they overworked? Are they rude?

How are staff/resident interactions? Is there smiling and joking?

After you narrow down your choices do a second visit of each place at a different time of day. Does the first impression hold up with the second shift?


You might find the perfect place but your mom is miserable. There are cliques in most of these places and people can be childish no matter their age. Don't hesitate to move your mom if she's not thriving.

Good luck!

I'm not sure when it's going to be, but at some point, I am going to need to reference this post. Thanks @Dezbelief. There is a lot of good information here for someone that is in this tough situation.

You and everyone else on this board that might be in the same boat at some point. Dez's post is amazing.

 

[simey]

The one thing I was going to add was then pointed out by Cletius regarding location---my mom's facility was 2 blocks from my workplace so I was able to drop by almost every day on my lunch hour. Which brings me to another very important piece of advice for anyone going through this---be present and visible at the facility as often as possible. It seems obvious but, sadly, it doesn't always happen. Family and friends present consistently that are interacting with staff and management can make a difference for your loved one.

This is very very important.

My grandmother was in a facility for 6 years. She died there at age 98. We learned a lot while she was there, and the #1 thing is you have to be an advocate for the person. You make yourself known. You talk to the staff, and you show up for your the one you love that is there if you live near the area. My mom had lunch with my grandmother every day, except days she couldn't, and those days I was there. My sister saw her a lot too.

The aides are the ones that interact with the residents the most. A lot of residents look forward to seeing the aides, and in many cases, they are all they have in their life. They get attached to them, and they are a constant. Unfortunately, it is a thankless job, and there was always a turnstile of aides. There were some great ones, and some not so great ones. That was true with some of the nurses too. It is tough too when new aides come, because they have to get to know the needs and such for the residents, and you hope they are a good one. We helped the aides out as much as possible. We had to rely on them more as my grandmother declined. We always made sure they knew exactly how my grandmother liked things, what she wore, how she liked her hair, etc. She had a roommate too, and we always made sure the roommate was treated right. Speak up and speak out when you see wrong doing, and you will see it.

There are a lot of residents that can only use one hand due to a stroke, or they have trouble holding things due to arthritis, etc. If you are in the dining hall, watch to see if the aides cut the food for a lot of the residents. There were many times they would either not cut their food, or cut it in four pieces. Anyone would choke on that. We knew if we weren't there, they would be doing the same thing to my grandmother. We cut people's food for them a lot of times. The State comes to visit at certain times, and when they come, every staff member is on their toes. There were care meetings every 6 weeks, and my mother always attended them. They were for anyone who had a family member there. In the meetings, you voice your concerns to human resources and the head hall nurse. My mom always had a list.

There were a few times my mom had to ask them to give my grandmother a UTI test. If my grandmother started talking off the wall, it was usually a UTI. Another time she had pneumonia, and my mom had to push to have her be sent to the hospital. She was finally sent, and she almost didn't make it.

About every other month, my mom would bring a bunch of pastries she'd get from Sam's or Costco, and give it to the staff that were on the floor that my grandmother was on. She did that to show her appreciation. My mom would joke around with the staff a lot, but they also knew that if they were slacking on their care for my grandmother, she was going to say something about it, and if that didn't work, she was going to do something about it.

She did my grandmother's laundry for her. She still had to write my grandmother's name and room number on her tags incase they ended up somewhere else in the facility.

We had to take her rings, but she always wore her watch. Jewelry gets stolen often at these places. Someone did take my grandmother's beautiful lipstick case my mom bought her years ago in Italy.

My mom decorated my grandmother's room for about every occasion. Valentines Day, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. She always put some seasonal wreath on her room door. It made my grandmother happy.

There was always an activity sheet that said what the activities would be for the month. A lot of residents participated. My grandmother did bingo sometimes, and she enjoyed the church stuff.

My grandmother had a lot of anxiety when she first got there. We saw her multiple times a day at first to get her settled in. She became a good sport about being there, but occasionally she would get down, but who wouldn't? Every now and then she would ask me to break her out of there. A few times she said to me, "I'm gonna die here aren't I?" That always tore me up inside. Anyway, we tried to make it as good as possible for her. It can be a lonely place. I met a lot of lovely residents there. A lot of them enjoyed the interaction, and telling stories about the old days. I wish everyone there had family/friends looking out for them and visiting.

 

[coopersdad]

Dez hit a lot of great points. Look at the physical plant and little things, will give a sense of the investment and ongoing maintenance approach they have. The employee staffing ratios and coverages/roles they employ should align with the needs of today and nearish future for your family member. Consider the emergency response aspect of things as well from the staffing and training/skills of staff.
The continuum of care offered and levels of care package should be clear and understandable. Look for the things you know will be important like outdoor spaces or community activities or onsite medical services bc this can vary dramatically.

Message me with where abouts you are and I may be able to help, I work in senior housing management. Good luck to you and family.

Southwest of Fort Worth 10-15 miles.