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Dating Advice - I blew and now acting on emotion. Is there anything I can do now? (1 Viewer)

fruity pebbles said:
“Nice gesture” doesn’t denote romance. That’s what I’d say to someone who offered me their seat. If she goes into a big, long winded speech on what was wrong with the relationship and you, please just hang up.
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Yeah she called it a nice gesture because it is a nice gesture and she'd look awful for not acknowledging them.

Doesn't mean they did anything for her.
 
Jumping in for the first time.

Take this with a grain of salt as your hearing from a 51 year old who has been with the same woman since I was 20…but if it’s over tonight…agree with her and move on quickly and calmly.

Don’t fight for her tonight. Let her move on and stay cordial. Don’t beg her or anything like that. I hate to agree with some of these guys but that response will intrigue her. If it’s over tonight, don’t stay on the call very long.

But what do I know. I haven’t dated in 30 years.

Good luck!
 
Zow said:
fruity pebbles said:
“Nice gesture” doesn’t denote romance. That’s what I’d say to someone who offered me their seat. If she goes into a big, long winded speech on what was wrong with the relationship and you, please just hang up.
Click to expand...
Yeah she called it a nice gesture because it is a nice gesture and she'd look awful for not acknowledging them.

Doesn't mean they did anything for her.
Click to expand...
I think she probably did appreicate them, I don't that that it's enough though to change anything. A gesture sounds more complementary, but it could be a small reminder that I'm trying. Ultimately, it's just a word though.
 
Spiderman said:
If I have the opportunity:

- I will again ackowledge that I have been difficult to talk to in the past 2-3 months; I was scared and closed myself off as she began asking me about a long-term together. I didn't handle that the right way. NO
- I am committed to us long-term. I want a future with us together provided she sees the work and improvements. NO
- I am willing to put the work in, not just words, to show her. I want to close the long distance right away, I will do the things needed -to help with communication (app's, therapy, etc.), I want to understand her past, etc. NO
- I do not want to give up on what was a great thing until recently. I love her, she is my family and I hope that she will be willing to give a chance to continue.. NO
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I've tried. We've all tried. Bring your pacifier and your panties.
 
Beef Ravioli Part 2 said:
Jumping in for the first time.

Take this with a grain of salt as your hearing from a 51 year old who has been with the same woman since I was 20…but if it’s over tonight…agree with her and move on quickly and calmly.

Don’t fight for her tonight. Let her move on and stay cordial. Don’t beg her or anything like that. I hate to agree with some of these guys but that response will intrigue her. If it’s over tonight, don’t stay on the call very long.

But what do I know. I haven’t dated in 30 years.

Good luck!
Click to expand...
Thank you!
If the call is pretty to the point, it will probably be over in like 5 minutes. There's not much for me to add if she clearly ends things. I'm not even sure how to end a call like that, but I think I may find out. If she does end things, I have to be able to find peace.
 
Spiderman said:
Beef Ravioli Part 2 said:
Jumping in for the first time.

Take this with a grain of salt as your hearing from a 51 year old who has been with the same woman since I was 20…but if it’s over tonight…agree with her and move on quickly and calmly.

Don’t fight for her tonight. Let her move on and stay cordial. Don’t beg her or anything like that. I hate to agree with some of these guys but that response will intrigue her. If it’s over tonight, don’t stay on the call very long.

But what do I know. I haven’t dated in 30 years.

Good luck!
Click to expand...
Thank you!
If the call is pretty to the point, it will probably be over in like 5 minutes. There's not much for me to add if she clearly ends things. I'm not even sure how to end a call like that, but I think I may find out. If she does end things, I have to be able to find peace.
Click to expand...
You thank her for her directness, tell you her you enjoyed your time together, and then you wish her the best. No more. And then you don't initiate contact. Ever.
 
Spiderman said:
Beef Ravioli Part 2 said:
Jumping in for the first time.

Take this with a grain of salt as your hearing from a 51 year old who has been with the same woman since I was 20…but if it’s over tonight…agree with her and move on quickly and calmly.

Don’t fight for her tonight. Let her move on and stay cordial. Don’t beg her or anything like that. I hate to agree with some of these guys but that response will intrigue her. If it’s over tonight, don’t stay on the call very long.

But what do I know. I haven’t dated in 30 years.

Good luck!
Click to expand...
Thank you!
If the call is pretty to the point, it will probably be over in like 5 minutes. There's not much for me to add if she clearly ends things. I'm not even sure how to end a call like that, but I think I may find out. If she does end things, I have to be able to find peace.
Click to expand...
You will get through this! Take a breather and let things play out. No matter how it goes tonight, this is an opportunity to grow. You got this, no matter what direction it goes!
 
All I can say at this point to @Spiderman is this:

Every single one of us who have commented in this thread have said to one of our buddies: "man, knowing what i know now i would totally clean house on all those women out there." And now you are the beneficiary of all of that "knowing what i know now" knowledge.

Use this information to your benefit. Study our words. Get out there and be our soldier on the front lines. Don't let this one sully your mood or your confidence or your abiility to move on out there. When it comes to a gal like this, just remember:

Stop, Drop, and Roll. People think that's about putting out a fire on yourself in a real sense. It's not. It's about putting out the fire of a woman who is not interested anymore.

Stop it. Drop Her. And Roll on to the next my friend. Make us proud tonight. :headbang:
 
Listen to the wise stuffed pasta. ****ing up your first relationship feels bad. ****ing up the breakup by creating months of drama and looking so pathetic that she doesn’t even have fond memories of the relationship is worse. If the bandage is going to come off, make sure it only has to happen once.
 
Ramsay Hunt Experience said:
Listen to the wise stuffed pasta. ****ing up your first relationship feels bad. ****ing up the breakup by creating months of drama and looking so pathetic that she doesn’t even have fond memories of the relationship is worse. If the bandage is going to come off, make sure it only has to happen once.
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:cry:


(Though for me it was oddly the second breakup. First breakup I literally met the second serious girlfriend a few hours later - and she was way more attractive)
 
ChiefD said:
All I can say at this point to @Spiderman is this:

Every single one of us who have commented in this thread have said to one of our buddies: "man, knowing what i know now i would totally clean house on all those women out there." And now you are the beneficiary of all of that "knowing what i know now" knowledge.

Use this information to your benefit. Study our words. Get out there and be our soldier on the front lines. Don't let this one sully your mood or your confidence or your abiility to move on out there. When it comes to a gal like this, just remember:

Stop, Drop, and Roll. People think that's about putting out a fire on yourself in a real sense. It's not. It's about putting out the fire of a woman who is not interested anymore.

Stop it. Drop Her. And Roll on to the next my friend. Make us proud tonight. :headbang:
Click to expand...
to wit, a friend of mine recently exited a long relationship and he is, in fact, cleaning up.

tinder is a wonderland, apparently
 
I will call her tonight if she doesn't call me. I'm not sure if there's something up with Google Chat, but it's odd that she hasn't read the messsage. I don't want that to be the reason we don't talk.
 
OK, she did provide an update:
Her: "It looks like I'm going to need to work late on a deliverable for my boss."
Me: Hi there, Im good at any time. Is later ok?
Her: Let's do tomorrow. I have no idea how long I'll be working on it.
Me: Ok that is fine. I hope you do't work too late...thinking bout you.
 
Soootch said:
BigJim® said:
5 Stages of Grief
  • denial <- where you are
  • anger <-find anywhere but your phone call to experience this
  • bargaining <- find anywhere but your phone call to experience this
  • depression
  • acceptance
Click to expand...
I was hoping the Acceptance link would be a guy in a hot tub with 8 women and a look on his face like a toddler seeing the ball pit for the first time.
Spiderman said:
Ramsay Hunt Experience said:
I don’t think you should have a strategy for the call until you hear what she has to say. If she’s calling to break up, don’t waste a lot of time on what you already apologized for. If she wants some type of assurance and asks for it, then maybe do it over again, but only if she asks. Even then, make your pitch and stop. Don’t belabor the point.

I wouldn’t try to act casual and disinterested. Don’t get me wrong, everyone else here probably has more relationship experience than me. I just think that your earlier note pretty much precludes that option. Trying to act too cool for school now will just seem like game playing.
Click to expand...

This is sort of where I'm at.

The call may be quick - her ending things or telling me too little too late, and I need to work on myself to be able to have a healthy relationship. I can totally see this happening today.

If she wants or is willing to continue to talk throug things, I am going to say the things that will hopefully resonate with her - my ackowledgment of my issues, my understanding of why this happened, the importance on improving things and my committment to the relationship.
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If you can tell she’s about to lower the boom, interrupt her and say you’ve been thinking hard about this and you’d like to break up. She’ll never see it coming and she’ll instinctively ask you to reconsider. THEN you propose. Checkmate.
Click to expand...

Or blurt out, "I refuse to negotiate with terrorists" and hang up before she can respond. Then open up Tinder and go to town.
 
Spiderman said:
OK, she did provide an update:
Her: "It looks like I'm going to need to work late on a deliverable for my boss."
Me: Hi there, Im good at any time. Is later ok?
Her: Let's do tomorrow. I have no idea how long I'll be working on it.
Me: Ok that is fine. I hope you do't work too late...thinking bout you.
Click to expand...
Are you reading any of the advice that people are giving you here?
 
When it comes to chicks, sometimes you just have to accept the loss and get to the end of the line. It stinks but if you keep pressing, you might wreck everything. If YOU suddenly become despondent, she'll think there's another chick or that SHE did something wrong.


In the interim, your new assignment is to find a new woman to pursue. Do you understand? In the pursuit of a new woman, you will be emotionally cold enough for the first one to come running back. The bonus is, you might end up with two women for a brief amount of time instead of worrying about 1 woman who you know has suitors up the ying, yang. Women are pursued by many, Men pursue many. Go out and hunt.
 
Stuart Ullman said:
When it comes to chicks, sometimes you just have to accept the loss and get to the end of the line. It stinks but if you keep pressing, you might wreck everything. If YOU suddenly become despondent, she'll think there's another chick or that SHE did something wrong.


In the interim, your new assignment is to find a new woman to pursue. Do you understand? In the pursuit of a new woman, you will be emotionally cold enough for the first one to come running back. The bonus is, you might end up with two women for a brief amount of time instead of worrying about 1 woman who you know has suitors up the ying, yang. Women are pursued by many, Men pursue many. Go out and hunt.
Click to expand...
He doesn’t want another woman, only her. She’s perfect, a combination of the Virgin Mary and Scarlett Johansson.
 
Sorry it’s not working out with Mary Jane. Give Gwen a call.

Seriously though good luck!
 
This was an entertaining thread, brings back memories. As with many things in life these types of lessons can only be learned first hand no matter how unanimous the advice given by others.

Couple things:
1. Rebound relationships rarely work out
2. Long distance relationships rarely work out
3. Rebound + long distance never work out
4. If she is ghosting/shady with communications, she is 50% already having sex with someone else and 100% emotionally invested with someone else
5. Any romantic grand gestures you have are just fairy tales from Hollywood, science (biology, psychology) says to do the exact opposite of your instincts
6. You will find someone better, but may have to go through a few or few dozen casual hookups to get to that place

Keep this thread updated, even if you don't want to. For us it is something different than another "Top 1000 songs from some band from the 70s" thread. For you it is a place to get thoughts out of your head and maybe get some advice. And don't take anything too personally, nearly everyone here has been in your shoes and made the same mistakes. It gets better.
 
I'm doing it again.....
Hi, I did get the flowers that was a nice gesture. Let's talk tomorrow after work.

At least in this moment, I think she wants to actually talk. I've been thinking the opposite all day. Hope my at least short-term optimism is right.
 
Spiderman said:
Zow said:
fruity pebbles said:
“Nice gesture” doesn’t denote romance. That’s what I’d say to someone who offered me their seat. If she goes into a big, long winded speech on what was wrong with the relationship and you, please just hang up.
Click to expand...
Yeah she called it a nice gesture because it is a nice gesture and she'd look awful for not acknowledging them.

Doesn't mean they did anything for her.
Click to expand...
I think she probably did appreicate them, I don't that that it's enough though to change anything. A gesture sounds more complementary, but it could be a small reminder that I'm trying. Ultimately, it's just a word though.
Click to expand...
Yes, 'gesture' is just a word. A cold, arms-length, acknowledgment word.

In those few words you shared from your exchange today, you are coming off like someone too anxious for this call, and she like someone who is dreading it. Amazing actually, with so few words. JMHO, most people would not put off a call they want to have with a romantic interest using a work excuse. I'm starting to think that isn't a bad thing in the grand scheme. You could be inauthentic/suave and intrigue her enough to keep it on life support, but that's not sustainable. If you are needy, better for you to appear needy, learn the consequences of projecting it, and get on to getting on with that experience.
 
Last edited:
The one day reprieve gives you time to make an awesome mix tape of all the romantic songs you‘ve enjoyed together over the years. Have it delivered to her tomorrow morning at work with more flowers.
 
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